Afternoon! We return for the second session of this first-ever game of Deal or No Deal.

Last night, Archie was faced with that board - although the mean is £21.781.44, and the Fair Deal is £9,689.50, to be precise - and an offer of £15,700. He's had quite enough time to consider that offer, so we press on.

Archie, at £15,700, do you wish to Deal...or No Deal?

I'm her
For what's in my box. No Deal.

9, 8 and 3 please

On we go.

Number nine is first up in this fifth round. Will this crush Archie's dream - or forge the way to his eternal greatness?

9 - 50p Fantastic! Great! You won't be going home with less than a pound today!

We'll go next to 3, because 8 has already been opened (it contained £250).

3 - £100,000 Well...I don't really know what to say. You've still got £50,000 to aim for.

Your third selection, please, Archie; you have 11, 14, 15, 18 and 22 remaining.

11!

11 it is.

Behind 11 is Jack Dee!

Jack: Hi Arch. Really hope this is a blue for you. You're doing alright. Not bad. Good game, very exciting. I'm thrilled. Good luck.

11 - £20,000 Ahh.

Silence greets the ringing phone.

*RING*

*RING*

*RING*

Maybe I should have listened to my F&F

*RING*

Hi Banksy. Yes, poor round for Archie there, I know. Alright, yeah, I'll let him know. He won't be best pleased, but I understand, yeah. OK, ta-ta.

Archie, the Banker wishes it to be known that that was an unfortunate round for you, and he thinks he's firmly in the driving seat now. He still respects you, but inevitably, this is a decrease from your last offer. It's fair, I think, at -

BANKER'S OFFER

£6,300

I'd give this some thought, if I were you; you may have declined £15,700, but if you find that £50k, you won't see anything close to this offer again in this game. On the other side of the same coin - keep the biggie until the end and that £6,300 is bound to skyrocket once again. The offer button hasn't even been conceived yet, remember, so if you choose to go on, there's no stopping mid-way through; you'll be in this for the long haul. When I say what I'm about to say, think about it in every way possible:

You have one chance.

Archie, at £6,300...Deal - or No Deal?

NO DEAL!

14, 15 and 18 please.

We play on. Archie, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavour to change your life with fifty thousand pounds tonight.

At box number 14 is Robert Downey Jr.

Robert: Hi Archie.

14 - £500!! It's a splendid start to what might be the most important three-box round of your life! One blue down, two to go, as we travel next to number 15, with...oh! Me!

Me: Good luck, Arch. You're a great guy, and of all people, you deserve that fifty grand. This is your moment. I'm with you, old boy. All the best.

15 - £3,000 Wwwell....this is tense.

Archie's dream now rests upon the opening of box number eighteen.

Awaiting this reveal is either ecstasy...or agony. Behind the box stands another snookering legend - this time, the inimitable Alex Higgins. Over to you, Alex.

Alex: Good luck, Archie.

Well, that was short and sweet...

With a flick of the hair and a glint in the eye, he rips the seal from box 18 to reveal...



































£50,000

Archie...I, er...I'm sorry. You came within one box of realising the dream. I'm not sure how to console you at this point, other than that you have a potential £10,750 if you go on and choose to take on box 23. That's to come in a bit, though; for now, the Banker wants to have his say.

*RING*

*RING*

H-hi Banker. Yes, I know you're very pleased. Thanks, I'll tell him that. Right. Send your condolences, yeah, of course. Good man. Alright, bye.

Well...the Banker sends you his condolences, Archie, because he even thought himself that you were going to take him for a hefty sum of money, there. He says you came ever-so-close, and your courage and determination are admirable indeed. He wants you to take consolation in how you went about your business in this game - and he also wants you to consider this:

BANKER'S OFFER

£355

It's a fraction of your previous offers, I know, but it's better than a pound, at least. At £355 now, Archie, and for the final time in the main game - is it a Deal, or No Deal?

No Deal.

This is an awful game so far. Too much failure, and not enough win.

I agree. At least it's not broadcast on the television

True dat. Most of the games hosted here in this section have no business being broadcast.

Tell you what, Arch. You can become contestant number 2 on Le Banquier Express to try to win back that 50 grand, which is the top prize on our show.

Est-ce que cette offre est acceptee ou refusee?

refusee, merci.

OK, well, you've played the game with tenacity and grit, and unfortunately, your brave risk-taking hasn't worked out favourably for you in the main game. Here's what you win from your box this evening:

Box 20 - £1.

Number 22 contains the £750.

For the contents of the boxes, I used random.org to generate a random sequence of numbers from 1 to 22. The amounts were then placed, in ascending order from 1p to £250,000, in each box in accordance with its placing in the sequence; 16 was the first number on the list, so that box contained 1p, 21 was second and thus had the 10p, and so on, as shown below:




Now, that over and done with, let's have a look at the options for Box 23:

+£10,000 - you leave with £10,001
DOUBLE - £2
MONEY BACK - £1
HALF - 50p
NOTHING

That in mind, do you wish to purchase Box 23 with your £1 winnings? If so, I'd like a number between 1 and 5, please.

I think I'll deal

Number 4

Marvellous.

Let's have a look, then, at the list of Box 23 contents, as randomised by random.org:



You selected option number four, and you duly leave us - having been presented with £15,700 - with absolutely nothing. It's a sad conclusion to a game which promised so much at one stage, but in the end, calculated risk-taking was rewarded with the ultimate fall from grace.

You were a great contestant, though, Archie. Enjoy your winn...ah, well, maybe not, erm...

That's, er, that'll be it for our first-ever episode of Deal or No Deal, and until the next time - whenever that may be - I hope you've at least enjoyed this less conventional hosting style, because I put my heart and soul into every letter of it, and I'll see you again. Goodnight.

Great hosting, Daniel!

Thank you Mr Hancock!