I've not heard that continuity announcer before.

What I have heard before is that introduction, delivered by a man in a dodgy floral shirt. (I think I've seen that specific one before, too.) And what I've certainly seen before is that introduction - how long now since they promised they'd change the faces?

Noel mocks the comments on the wings, before replaying Gary's on Friday.

Gary has box 8. I have a dodgy connection. I missed that introduction. HERE WE GO!!

1p in the first round is often a false dawn...

ROUND ONE

Noel's inviting everyone to make overblown reactions. Bradley subverts it gloriously by talking semi-coherently about the 1p kiss. Noel isn't having any of it. I like Bradley already.

Box 13 (Bradley) - £3,000

Box 1 (Craig) - 1p
Noel didn't drag him into a big speech, he just called for the penny and got his wish.

Box 21 (Leonie) - 50p
See, just get the wings to shut up during the rounds and it works brilliantly

Box 11 (Dee) - £15,000
Aka the contestant who appeared as Cee Cee on Friday, I think!

Gary does go for a long speech...
Box 6 (Gary) - £5
And it still works!

Banker time after a fine start!

Take another 2 of the banker's P5 and at least there won't be the excuse of low amounts holding down offers later on.

Not always.

Highest hit was £15,000 so expect an offer just about over £10,000.

"You've gotta be happy with that," says Noel. Apparently it's a very crowded audience for this taping, and an old lady in the audience is likened to Andy Warhol by the Banker!

Banker's offer:

£13,000

Best opening round for a LONG time...

Stats after Round 1
Offer: £13,000
Mean: £32,215.36
Fair Deal: £12,910.86
Volatility: 0.84
Board total: £547,661.10

Board
10p

£1

£10
£50
£100
£250
£500
£750
£1,000

£5,000
£10,000

£20,000
£35,000
£50,000
£75,000
£100,000
£250,000

Matt says his car is worth £1,000. "So I could buy thirteen... not that I'd want to..." Noel mocks this, unsurprisingly.

"Quite a lot of raw fish," Noel says, referring to Matt's job managing a sushi restaurant. "Could buy a river," Matt says. Noel mocks this, too.

He asks if there's ever been a 17-box Deal. No, of course, "but don't let that hold you back!"

NO DEAL, though.

Break called!

A new ceiling does NOT cost £13,000!

Outrageous mostly-American weather on Channel 4 at 8. The wind's blowing Matt's way as we go back to the action from Bristol.

"It's different," Noel says regarding the game. "Very different." He's still mocking that "river" comment. His actual ambitions: a new ceiling?!? Oh, it's structural problems with his house. Which is presented in bizarre fashion.

Noel's properly taking the proverbial out of him. If he deals too soon he'll be torn to shreds, I can feel it.

Box 5 (?) - £75,000

Box 20 (Julian) - £5,000

Box 9 (Guy) - £750
Noel called for a low blue, we get a high one.

Banker time.

Banker's offer:

£7,000

Which is bizarrely applauded.

Stats after Round 2
Offer: £7,000
Mean: £33,350.79
Fair Deal: £12,411.28
Volatility: 1.15
Board total: £466,911.10

Board
10p

£1

£10
£50
£100
£250
£500

£1,000


£10,000

£20,000
£35,000
£50,000

£100,000
£250,000

£7,000?!

£7,000 is the kind of setback I'd expect after the £250k being taken out.

"I'm not very good at explaining how much the money means to me," Matt says.

NO DEAL.

That round was worth a stick and NOT a £6,000 decrease!

Box 17 (Phyllis) - £1
And some tell-tale uber-rapid editing! Hello!

Box 16 (Loreen) - £50
Euphoria! This offer's going up, up, up, up, up, uh-up...

...if we get a blue after the break. The groanworthy rhyming couplets Matt leads us there with must not be revealed.

If this next one is a blue, or low red... should be the highest offer of the game.

Very quick break...

"It's a miracle! You're there!" Noel is utterly fake-startled that anyone came back after that break link.

Noel says "this is not looking too bad" if the all-blue is completed, which frankly is understating this board.

He's delaying the box pick... ah, here we go...

Box 10 (Jeff) - £100,000
Grin or No Grin? No Grin.

Banker time...