Not sure anyone else is commentating, if so then ignore this..,.

Sean Locke and Jon Richardson are playing. Jimmy starts with two fantastic jokes followed by one that I thought was a bit nasty to Joe!

Great to see Nong there

The first ever episode where swearing is allowed....... and won't be edited / *beeped* out.

They've bought a little bit of cardboard with their box order listed.

Mark Olver is on the wings! They're relying on him for advice. The wings also include two ex-contestants. What a surprise, they're both players who gambled for the £250k against a blue. (Corinne and Nong.)

There are rude jokes. This is going to be the late-night DoND some of us wanted since season 1, isn't it?

Jon says he's going to call the Banker Brian!

Jimmy does a rapid-fire rendition of the introduction (which wasn't in before), changing the last line to "where the *beep* is Noel Edmonds?"

We have a break before the first box.

Did he do the independent adjudicator bit?

Yes. The usual thing Noel says.

Forgot to mention there was a Derren Brown skit before the show involving him having a perfect game.

Sean and Jon have box 12, it was chosen at random before the show.

Sean holds up the bit of cardboard with the system. There's a joke about Andy, who wrote it, being involved in the gambling industry in some way.

There's no music for some reason!
Box 7 (Matt) - "The integrity of this system rests on this box" - Sean asks how long the 1p kiss has to last for! - £3,000

Jimmy swears in describing the system!

Box 2 (Mia) - £500

My commentary is not going to do this justice. It is hilarious.

Box 13 (Katherine, a comedienne) - £1,000

Jimmy mocks the colour balance even though they're the lowest reds!

Box 19 (Nick) - £10,000 - there are groans in the applause, and Jimmy calls it a big red!

Box 5 (John R) - £20,000

Banker time

Thanks.

"Shall we see what Brian thinks?" "I'm trying to demystify him, it's like Voldemort."

"Seven years, and you've spoken to no-one but Noel Edmonds, you poor, poor man."

His job is apparently to get in people's heads. Sean is apparently predictable. "People have made that mistake in the past. Brian. Showbiz is littered with fools like you." Jon is considered formidable - "smart, meticulous..." "No I'm not." The offers are aimed at him!

£6,500

"You don't step away from that board," says Jon. They say NO DEAL.

"Psychic" doing the perfect game of DOND - nice thought but not original

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJo6whuU0kk

(Thanks to Mister Al on Twitter for reminding me the name of the show)

ROUND 2
"Are you going to go with the system, or are you going to go rogue?" The "what are you feeling?" line gets skewered as Jimmy steps slowly backwards!

Jimmy belatedly describes the board as "OK" when discussing it... the system is going to be ignored!

"Jon, imagine me and you in the Caribbean together..." "How do I avoid that?"

System's going to stay. Jon thinks it's working, and Mark ("our remaining friend") is next. The Banker rings. He thought the system would change! Jon thinks "Brian" is scared! He wants to phone the Banker, and Jimmy tries to phone him! And he does!

The Banker says "that's the talk of someone who can't abandon the system" so he can blame Sean - and he agrees

Box 9 (Mark Olver) - £75,000

Proper gasps for that! "Pass me the envelope, mate!" The system is abandoned!

Box 6 (Gemma Collins from TOWIE - she'd buy a pink Bentley with Swarovski crystals inside with £250k!) - £15,000

"Only five reds remain, but four of them are huge numbers." Jimmy reads this well. We go to Andy, who created the system!

Box 15 (Andy) - £1

Brian time

Just like a "normal" show... too much messing about...

Given they are comedians and what they did with the Countdown mashup, I think messing about was expected.

This is a board that could create a Deal early enough to keep all the comedy.

The Banker has hired an assistant - Joe Wilkinson, who enters wearing a ridiculous fake beard and a suit. "How did you get this job?" A skit about it being in the Jobcentre, and something to do with Susie Dent who is on the wings!

I can't begin to describe the jokes the "assistant" is having over the phone, suffice to say it's his mum who's meant to be on the other end of the line.

We'll get an offer eventually. There's an envelope, it's got an offer in it. Jon expects £2,500.

Banker's offer:

£7,800

Good offer as to what was discovered.

Joe heads off for a cigarette!

"Tempted?" "No." "Yes." Jon says the top two are distracted. Rachel says the groundwork is laid for an all-blue.

The players (eventually) say NO DEAL.

Yes, 1p gone! Clearly wasn't going to be in the box as the kiss was shown in the Mash Up trailer.

ROUND 3
Box 20 (John F) - 1p

It's going to be a faintly embarrassing 1p kiss. It's preceded by a 1p squish

"I don't care whether I win any money, this show's changed my life!", quotes Sean, mocking contestants who say it.

Box 4 (Dave) - £250,000

"How are you feeling?" The first word in reply is an expletive.

Mia invokes the "positivity" trope with an uncertain degree of seriousness. John R suggests this could be the most important tidying up exercise they ever do!

Jon checks box 21 for dust! He then goes with it...

Box 21 (Holly) - £50

Brian time

Nobody has said 'that's so deal'

Joe Wilkinson comes back. Carrying a black suitcase. What would he offer? It's an expletive. "I've got £1.50 on me, but I really fancy a Kit Kat... I can really offer only 80p if I'm honest... oh I'll get a 2-finger one, £1.20!" "Serious offer." "ONE MILLION POUNDS!"

Then Brian rings.

"He wants to see you in his office."

"You're working on your own from here on in," says Jimmy to the Banker.

Banker's offer:

£7,800