First things first, a reminder of this show's origins as a promotional vehicle for the Postcode Lottery: models walk up in matching pink T-shirts with 'because I'm a girl' on them, relating to a campaign by development agency Plan to fight gender inequality in the developing world. And cut-off jeans as well, before any males have more gender inequality ideas...

In the final quiz round (estimated guesses to audience poll questions of a faintly personal nature - one of them tonight was, if I've translated it right, 'have you met any colleagues at the sauna?', which is probably about typical and Linda expressed her horror at the mere thought!), furthest out is eliminated, repeat until six become two) there is a tie at one point, which appears to be split on time to enter one's answer.

The final two are Jannie and Danny. Yes. Dannie is bald and looks fairly young, Jannie has a full head of hair and two kids, one of them seven. Danny's only 24 but has two kids too - one of them eight months old. Wakeyists, you can probably now stop reading this report.

Linda just said 'poker face' with regards to the money clock... I expect someone to press the button. Maybe not with these slow increases... oh here they go. JANNIE presses the button at €32,900 - the clock was set to stop at €75,000!! I did not see that coming! There must have been some huge increases coming. Still, Jannie still has no idea what she'll do with the money, and looks dazed. 'It's Miljoenenjacht! You've won €32,900!' Linda reminds her.

So it's one young dad-of-two who tries his luck. The models walk up again with the same outfits. Only in the Netherlands could there be this kind of extensive product placement for an international development campaign. CASE 9 is his choice. He has a relatively photogenic female partner, Maroline (sp?), so James1978 may want to watch this show, unless he can't get 'number 1, Marilyn' out of his mind... or perhaps especially if he can't.

Did he just say he doesn't watch Miljoenenjacht? The laughter implied that's what it was... I probably misinterpreted that.

Danny mentions €150,000, which is a reasonable target for this version and as such doesn't fit with not watching the show.

The game gets under way...

ROUND 1
18 - €5,000,000!! The crowd do not know how to react. They are stunned. Linda points out his €150,000 suggestion.
2 - €1,000. 'That's better.'
6 - €10,000.
12 - €1,000,000! Unlucky, as Linda points out.
15 - €0.01! We needed that.
21 - €100,000. Got the odd sigh, never a good sign.

Six cases remain above €150,000.

OFFER €13,000

Ironic call to Deal. Obviously a NO DEAL.

ROUND 2
24 - tried to open before a prediction! - €10!
14 - €750,000!
19 - €200,000! Quite rightly groaned by the audience, and given the singing teacher treatment from Linda.
16 - €2,500
8 - €2,500,000!!

Already we're down to a €500,000 game. This is about as bad as a start gets on this show. We were due a bad board for this series, this is that bad board to say the least.

OFFER €11,500

Gasps. As of right now, Jannie looks very much in position to be the game's biggest winner. Is Danny even thinking about this? Well he NO DEALS anyway but I did warn Wakeyists away for a reason apparently (I type all of this live and don't edit it).

ROUND 3
1 - €50,000. When that gets groaned on this show, the board is expletive-worthy.
Maroline is picking now...
7 - €100! CORRECT GUESS FOR €14,000! Which is higher than Danny's been offered all game...
Another Maroline pick...
3 - €400,000! I don't know what to say. It sounds like Linda doesn't either. Danny and Linda spin around on the spot for no adequately explored reason, and Danny picks...
23 - €500,000!!

Linda has her head in her hands. A few weeks ago we had eight of the top nine at this point. This time we have... one.

OFFER €9,000

Huge gasps. If you checked out the link hidden in round 2, you'll see that it is actually an impressive achievement of board destruction to reduce the offers in the first three rounds. What must Jannie be thinking?!? Someone calls for a Deal, and I think it wasn't a lone voice... Linda talks through the odds, emphasising the importance of €300,000 (which is a bit sad when it's 6% of the top prize). Laughs as she announces the offer, and a NO DEAL.

Maroline is despairing. I don't blame her. This board is shocking although of course we must remember the Keran Principle: as long as an amount is on the board it can be won. Sadly this goes for the 20-cent prize too.

ROUND 4
4 - €75,000! Huge gasps. Incredibly, that was the top safety net.
This isn't even good for a UK board. Maroline calls 11 and 26 but gets laughs I didn't understand the reason for. Linda gets the crowd going, or tries to. It gets nowhere. Maroline does call...
11 - €0.50!
26 - €5,000. CORRECT GUESS FOR €9,000!

This offer will be more than that, and quite likely Dealable - the Banker has history of bumping the offer generosity up on bad boards to ensure vaguely interesting decisions. People turn them down anyway, often including AMOs - this is the first time in a long time I've seen the potential for this phenomenon in action.

OFFER €16,000

Peak offer of the game. Maroline checks that it's a two-to-open round. I'd play on - 75% chance of keeping it for a probable €30k-ish offer. I can't believe I'm having to treat a game of Miljoenenjacht the way I might play a UK game. Danny's thinking about it. Linda's talking through it and points out the same probability I did, of keeping €300,000 through this round. It seems like Danny and Maroline just agreed a surprise Deal, but it's still not clear... and we go to a break as Linda gets padding for time.

After the break, Linda talking up the 'dramatic finale' for more than it's worth, the case is opened, and the button... is pushed! DEAL. We still get lights and confetti. 'Unlucky' is all Linda can say. It's the lowest amount I've ever seen a contestant win on this show. Linda says she hopes €300,000 isn't in the case as he might look foolish, or something. There's no malice in her voice so it's not Noelesque.

The game's biggest winner was Jannie. Ouch.

ROUND 5 (proveout)
20 - €1!
13 - €50! CORRECT GUESS FOR €7,000 but the offer would have gone up on this...

Final Six
€0.20
€5
€20
€500
€25,000
€300,000

ROUND 6 (proveout)
17 - €5! CORRECT GUESS FOR €6,000 and the money Danny didn't gamble for is being spread amongst some other players. Who said this game wasn't egalitarian?

ROUND 7 (proveout)
22 - €500!

I have literally no idea how far I would have gone because there are no proveout offers. This is one Noel would have enjoyed for all the wrong reasons.

ROUND 8 (proveout)
25 - €25,000

All or peanuts. If I'd got this far I'd be gone here, there is no way this Banker would offer anything low enough to push me on.

ROUND 9 (proveout)
5 - €20! CORRECT GUESS FOR €3,000!

Today's game is sponsored by Barack Obama - spreading the wealth. Linda swears. This is the first time I've seen a game like this - it's change I don't want to believe in.

Final Two
€0.20
€300,000

Case 10's holder guesses €300,000... €0.20! He had €300,000 in 9!!

The single worst Deal this version has ever seen and the shock is palpable. Wrong player, wrong board, wrong time.

What did I say about Keran?

Linda hilariously closes Case 9 as soon as it's opened, and produces a sound that could only be described as 'eurgh!'. But let's not forget he's just won €16,000 on a show that is inexorably tied with the plight of the world's poorest people thanks to its Postcode Lottery tie-in.

Case 9 is not open for the champagne photo-op, which now has the feel of utter irony. An extraordinary game, a quite compelling bit of television, and maybe the Wakeyists do want to see this for teh lulz, or whatever they say. Linda, Danny and Maroline engage in a post-mortem discussion over the closing credits and the clapping crowd.

Wow. What utter rubbish.

Box 23 says



Although some might argue that this game was a candidate for

The scary thing is even an episode this bad gave away more than €100,000.

* €10,000 x3 to randomly chosen audience members at various points
* €10,000 x3 on three (!) phone-in competitions during the show
* €10,000 between four eliminated contestants in the final quiz bit. That's €70,000 that's given away every show.
* €32,900 to Jannie
* €39,000 in prediction bonuses to various case-holders
* €16,000 to Danny
* €16,000 to a home viewer (someone always wins what the player wins, an idea that was implemented in the UK a few times when they had a phone-in competition).

TOTAL €173,900

And that was a bad episode!

Banana Sandwich - definitely.

Wouldn't call it Incinerator Food as he still won some meaningful sum of money. And two years ago, that's exactly what the production team were trying to tell Donna as she was going to pieces!

Yeah it can't be INCINERATOR FOOD as it wasn't a trainwreck.