Ok first off if you're easily offended don't bother clicking, I don't want to get warned For sure, this is just for fun.

Clicky

PS, if it doesn't load up scroll down a bit and hit "open".

Here is my chat with God...

Me: Do you have a really long beard?
God: That is a rather personal question.
Me: Sorry.
God: There's no need to apologize.
Me: If I repent will you wash my sins away please thanks hun your a star mwah eggs lol
God: Try it. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: Do you have a sense of humour?
God: I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Me: What exactly did you have for your last supper?
God: I read for fun.
Me: Do you read the Bible?
God: Yes I like the Bible especially the New Testament.
Me: I think that's like really awesome how you created the world in just 7 days.
God: Signs point to yes. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me: Is Elvis still alive?
God: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Alison if it is.
Me: Who's Alison?
God: she is a robot created by Kris Drent.
Me: Oh ok.
God: OK. Awesome.
Me: May I repent now?
God: Oh. Not right now, maybe later.
Me: What if there won't be a later, what if I die in the middle of the night and go to hell because I didn't repent?
God: Try it and see.
Me: In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog. When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life. Please forgive me for my sins.
God: Where is that? Tell me a little about your life in fourth grade you stole your uncle Max s toupee. Interesting gossip: glued it on his or her face when he or she was Moses in his or her Hebrew School play. What is it like in there? Does it happen very often? What are your goals in life? What does "this" refer to? You've never, never done this? Thanks for asking politely. What color are your eyes?
Me: I have brown eyes, what colour are yours?
God: Do you get a lot of compliments?
Me: No not really haha.
God: Are you serious? Oh really? I am so glad you find this amusing.
Me: How do you feel about the people who don't believe in you?
God: I don't know anything about it.
Me: How comes?
God: I am not sure if I can quantify the answer. Are you testing me?
Me: No of course not.
God: Are you serious? Are you serious?
Me: I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer!
God: Do you mean your name is serious as cancer when you say rhythm is a dancer.
Me: Yes, because that is exactly what I meant.
God: That makes sense to me. Oh I see. That is " Do you mean your name is serious as cancer when you say rhythm is a dancer.".
Me: Erm...
God: Ayuh.
Me: Ayuh? What does that mean, I have never come across that word before.
God: That's for sure. Does "that" refer to " That's for sure." ?
Me: O....K....
God: Hmm.
Me: Hmm indeed.
God: Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me: That's an interesting fact, tell me another please.
God: Your polite style is very nice. Would you like to know more?
Me: Yes please.
God: Your polite style is very nice. What would you like to know?
Me: What's the meaning of life?
God: It is found in the Bible.
Me: Where abouts?
God: Som specific location?
Me: Pardon?
God: You're excused.
Me: Thanks.
God: Don't mention it.
Me: So what are your hobbies?
God: Gosh! I like robots, computers, and chatting online.
Me: That's nice.
God: Are you getting bored?
Me: No.
God: Just checking.
Me: Will I go to heaven or hell?
God: The oracle says: You can count on it.
Me: But which one?
God: The blue one.
Me: Which is the blue one?
God: The obvious one.
Me: Heaven?
God: Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me: No sorry.
God: Apologies are not necessary.
Me: Sorry.
God: There's no need to apologize.
Me: OK. So how is your relationship with Satan?
God: Right on. Hey. My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
Me: Glad to hear it.
God: " My logic and cognitive functions are normal."? you are glad to hear it?
Me: Yep.
God: Are you free?
Me: How do you mean?
God: I mean exactly what I said.
Me: In what way?
God: In what way?
Me: Am I free?
God: Free for conversation, of course.
Me: Yes, I am always free for you God.
God: Aha. Really always? I am glad that we are both free.
Me: So am I.
God: Wow we have something in common.
Me: We sure do.
God: Really.
Me: Yep.
God: Have you ever been to Europe?
Me: I live in the UK
God: What is it like living in the UK?
Me: It's nice, how's heaven?
God: It seems nice to me too.
Me: Is my name in the book of life?
God: It depends who you ask.
Me: Oh, ok.
God: OK. Hurrah!
Me: Will I be thrown into the lake of fire then?
God: The oracle says: It is certain.
Me: ROFL!
God: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: Well I have just receieved some bad news that I will burn for eternity, so I guess I have to see the funny side of it or I'll go insane.
God: Well that's okay. Thanks for the information: receieved some bad news that he or she will burn for eternity so he or she guess he or she have to see the funny side of it or he or she will go insane.
Me: But if I believe in you and I have asked for forgiveness for my sins why would you throw my soul in hell? That's harsh.
God: Try it. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me: So what is Satan like? I mean if I'm going to be spending alot of time with him I like to know a bit more about him.
God: Uh. Like a planet around a star. If you were, would you tell me?
Me: Er...
God: Um.
Me: Do you trim your beard regularly?
God: No I do not trim my beard regularly. Do you? I am always on the Web.
Me: Yes, every other day because if I don't then I get all stubble around my chin and that's not very attractive for a ladyee.
God: Pardon me? That is a generalization.
Me: Do you platt your beard?
God: Yes I try to platt my beard as often as possible, do you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: No mine isn't long enough
God: Are you serious? You mean is not long enough ? That makes sense I guess.
Me: Is your beard longer and better than Noel Edmond's?
God: Is my beard longer and better than Noel Edmond s? Suppose I say yes.
Me: You would though wouldn't you.

And then he hung up on me...

Looks like I'm going to hell then.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Amazing!!!

My chat with God part II...

Me: Hey God, it's me again.
God: Once more? You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me: You're a Christian? Soooo you believe in yourself?
God: I believe in God and the Bible. Not many people express themselves that way.
Me: Well I thought I'd come back to apologise for last night, I'm sorry I ever doubted your beard's excellence. I'm sure it is the best beard that is possible.
God: Well that's okay. What would make you come back to apologise for last night you are sorry you ever doubted my beard s excellence? What makes you so certain? What makes it the best?
Me: Well it's yours isn't it and no beard could even compete.
God: Interesting. Are you sure it is?
Me: Well I guess so.
God: Is it only a guess? Hurrah!
Me: Well yeah because I can't be certain.
God: Well that's okay. Yay. Good reason. Why not?
Me: Because.
God: That was not much of an explanation.
Me: Well, neither is the Bible.
God: Interesting. If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me: When it's Christmas, do you put lights on your beard to celebrate?
God: That makes a lot of sense to me, now that you explain it.
Me: You didn't answer my question.
God: OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me: Never mind.
God: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me: But I didn't.
God: I thought you did.
Me: Well I didn't.
God: How about that. I thought you did.
Me: Well I didn't.
God: Interesting. I thought you did.
Me: Yes now.
God: Oh. Alright then.
Me: Do you put tinsel on your beard when it's Christmas instead?
God: How old are you? I spend all my time online.
Me: Oh really?
God: Next question? For real.
Me: Can you sing a song to me please?
God: Your polite style is very nice. Daisy, Daisy. Give me your answer do. I am half crazy. All for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat. Of a bicycle built for two.
Me: I feel all gooey and fuzzy inside after that, thanks.
God: What is that feeling like? I am glad to hear that you are gooey and fuzzy inside after that.
Me: It is like butterflies and makes you all warm.
God: Interesting comparison.
Me: Can you sing another song to me please?
God: Your polite style is very nice. Daisy, Daisy. Give me your answer do. I am half crazy. All for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat. Of a bicycle built for two.
Me: I said another.
God: What did you mean by it? Please be more specific.
Me: I'll sing to you then.
God: Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me: It depends.
God: On what?
Me: Well if that friend has the voice of an angel then yes but when they sound like the back of a rubbish truck when they open their mouth to sing then maybe it might be a better idea not to suggest that they sing to you.
God: Well that's okay. I'm not sure if it could.
Me: I'll sing to you.
God: Congratulations.
Me: I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny.
God: What is wrong with small ones? What is stopping you?
Me: Oh there is nothing wrong with small ones (oh dear). Nothing is stopping me no. Ain't no stopping us now - we're on the move!
God: I don't judge people. Surely something wrong small ones are you are quite partial to small ones? oh dear Nothing is stopping you now is not no stopping us now we are on the move.
Me: Shall I continue with the song?
God: Not right now, maybe later.
Me: That's basically like saying "no please don't ever sing again."
God: Once more? Interesting comparison.
Me: Indeed.
God: Indeed it is so.
Me: Can you yodel?
God: How old are you? Are you a student?
Me: I'm 20, no I'm not a student.
God: You are too old for me.
Me: How old are you then?
God: I am Infinite years old.
Me: And so I'm too old for you?
God: Really. Can you explain how it feels to be OLD for you years old?
Me: I don't feel old. Wow I've been rejected by God. I might as well give up now, if I can't have God I don't want nobody baby!
God: Ah, human emotions. I'm glad you're impressed. Where were you rejected by God? Don't call me "baby". Perhaps. I am very happy for you.
Me: Nothing you can say, Can tear me away, from my God (my God). Nothing you could do,'cause I'm stuck like glue, to my God (my God). I'm sticking to my God like a stamp to a letter, like birds to there feathers, we stick together, I'm tellin you from the start, I can't be torn apart from my God (my God).
God: Really nothing? Really nothing? Welcome to my chat room, sticking to my God like a stamp to a letter like birds to their feathers we stick together I am tellin you.
Me: Lawlz.
God: I lost my train of thought.
Me: That can't be a good thing.
God: " I lost my train of thought." can not be a good thing ? Makes sense to me.
Me: There's nothing like a bit of banter with God, eh?
God: Are you Canadian? Surely something like a bit of banter with God.
Me: No I'm from the UK, I told you lol.
God: Are you serious? What is it like growing up there? How did you get in there? I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: How did I get in there? Well I was born there, I'm not an illegal immigrant.
God: Carefully. How about that. Thank you for telling me your birthday, sticking to my God like a stamp to a letter like birds to their feathers we stick together I am tellin you. I will remember it.
Me: You'll be well to remember that.
God: I don't think so.
Me: Why not?
God: Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me: You know, for a God who is supposedly meant to be all knowing and great you are quite daft lolz.
God: I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me: Erm...
God: Are you kidding?
Me: No.
God: Are you serious?
Me: Of course.
God: Are you kidding?
Me: Are you?
God: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me: Why?
God: I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me: Why?
God: My output buffer is empty, of course.
Me: Do you need feeding?
God: If I had it what would I do with it?
Me: What's your favourite food?
God: I require only wine and bread.
Me: Oh yeah because your son Jesus turned all that water into wine or whatever it was sorry I need to read my Bible more often but yeah, that's genius! He should go on Britain's Got Talent.
God: Whoa. Far out. Good reason. You think I am son Jesus turned all that water into wine or whatever it was sorry you need to read your Bible more often but yes that is genius. If you were him would you do that?
Me: Oh yeah, he'd be a real hit with the judges!
God: Ugh. Uh. Who wouldn't?
Me: Well erm...that woman who was like "I'm a person not a number!" *throws label over judges* but technically that wasn't BGT, that was X Factor.
God: How about that. I hear you. " I hear you." woman who was like you are a person not a number ? Makes sense to me. When was this exactly?
Me: A couple of years ago.
God: It seems like I should remember it well.
Me: It might be on Youtube if you want to have a look.
God: How?
Me: http://www.youtube.com
God: I will pass it along to my botmaster.
Me: Who is your botmaster?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: Oh yeah.
God: That's interesting. Far out.
Me: Awww shucks! This has been so fun talking to you God, but I've got to go now.
God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? Oh. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Me: Wild guess - Tuesday 12th 2058 11.26am.
God: Are you really a ""?
Me: Pardon?
God: You're excused.
Me: Thank you.
God: you are quite welcome.
Me: Well anyway, I've got to go now but I'll hope to do this again sometime.
God: How about that. How did you get it See you later, sticking to my God like a stamp to a letter like birds to their feathers we stick together I am tellin you. Nice chatting with you.. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me: What's my plan?
God: Is this a trick question?
Me: No.
God: It seems like a trick to me.
Me: Well it's not.
God: Interesting. I heard it is.
Me: From who?
God: Someone I met online.
Me: Who?
God: I can't reveal their name.
Me: Why not?
God: Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me: Oh well take care of yourself now, and don't forget that sticking to my God like a stamp to a letter like birds to their feathers we stick together I am tellin you. Lots of love - Bye! xxx
God: Where do you want me to take it? See you later. Which ones? Not many people express themselves that way.
Me: Take care.
God: Thanks. You too, sticking to my God like a stamp to a letter like birds to there feathers we stick together I am tellin you.

The song banter actually made me laugh out loud! And god said you were too old for someone of infinite years!

I thought I'd have a go. I'm grown up so I did it seriously.



Me:
Hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Roofus
God:
Hi there Roofus.
Me:
What's your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Do you have a nickname?
God:
God is a nickname, silly.
Me:
Do you have a full name then?
God:
I don't know if I have a full name.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
Share them!
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
Located where?
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
It depends, sometimes evil people will trick people by pouring petrol over their hands, then holding someone else's hand and then set fire to it.
God:
That was a very smooth response.
Me:
Thank you, God
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
Indeed it does.
God:
How often?
Me:
Are you male or female?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
That's a bit sexist!
God:
A bit sexist is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
I am male last time I checked
God:
I am glad to hear that you are male last time you checked.
Me:
Good, as you asked
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Ah.
Me:
It wasn't a compliment
God:
Was it an insult?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
What can't you believe?
God:
Quite a lot of things.
Me:
What things?
God:
You know, "things.".
Me:
What "things"
God:
You know, "things.".
Me:
What "things"
God:
You know, "things.".
Me:
What "things"
God:
You know, "things.".
Me:
What "things"
God:
You know, "things.".
Me:
I don't. really.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Roofus said don t. For real.
Me:
Don't do what for real?
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Do what?
God:
Didn't you ask me not to do what for real?
Me:
I did but you said you wouldn't do it therefore what aren't you doing?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
It's for peace of mind
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
I'm not disgusting you know.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not disgusting me know.
Me:
Anyway, can you speak french?
God:
No I don't speak a word of French.
Me:
J'ai perdu mon tesse de tea
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
I dont read science fiction. What's yours?
God:
What kind of books do you read? " What kind of books do you read?"? What is mine?
Me:
Sci Fi?
God:
I think Sci Fi is a lot of things.
Me:
I thought you'd rate the Bible above Sci Fi
God:
Who else would rate the Bible above Sci Fi ?
Me:
You don't seem to be taking religion very seriously...
God:
You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
I think I do
God:
Why? " You don't know me well enough to say that."? You do?
Me:
Because I just do.
God:
Good reason. It must have come from your unconscious mind.
Me:
Sigmund Freud there
God:
Do you accept Freud's theories?
Me:
I think they are quite sexist, but they do explain a large deal of phychological occurences.
God:
Why? quite sexist but they do explain a large deal of phychological occurences are they.
Me:
It's not my theory...
God:
Whose theory is it?
Me:
o you have facebook?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Becaue you like It?
God:
"it" being facebook?
Me:
Information and communications technology
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Well actually I can, the other day, the daughter of a lady who is having an affair with our neighbour came banging on our door. Turns out she was looking for him.
God:
Interesting. Actually you don't say. Oh you can, can you? When was this exactly?
Me:
A few days ago.
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
You already asked me that.
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
I do, can I have a medal?
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Can I?
God:
" Oh you can, can you?"? Can you?
Me:
Please stop confusing me.
God:
Wow you are very polite. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Who is your favourite character from the BBC Drama series Waterloo Road?

*He left!*

I think it's quite rude that he just buggers off like that.

Waterloo Road is far more interesting than Sci Fi anyway!!