My 2nd cousin, Ken MacMeikan, who's in his mid 40s and who I've never met, is now the CEO of Greggs the Bakers.

So there.

He was the retail manager guy of Sainsburys prior to this.

Does this entitle me to free cheese and onion pasties?

It better do, Dollar - seeing as you know us and all that!

My 2nd Cousin, James Blake, who's in his late 20s and who i've never met, is now the number 1 ranked tennis player in the USA and Canada.

So there.

He has been the world number 4, and 4th place at the olympics prior to this.

I think this beats Greggs and Sainsburies

(this is no joke by the way)

I wish I'd never said that now...no, it means you pay double plus 200% tax. Or I come round your house and eat you. Though I suppose the woman in my life might not like that...she'd rather eat you herself..I say woman, she's called Kelly and yes, I'm her dog. I was, then I wasn't and now I've agreed to take her picture in exchange for me being her dog for life again.

Why am I going offtopic in a thread I myself started? Anyway, Tom you have two options: Pay the cute girl at the till double for your beloved pasty, but tell her to give it to the CEO of the company and for him to give it to his 2nd cousin. 1st class post'd be lovely thanks, and a cuppa with two sugars neatly on the brim of the cup and not more than a teaspoons worth of milk, with two and three quarters and a third point seven two three biscuits.
On t'other hand, Kelly can get me to hunt you down and devour you, starting in the area you really wouldn't want me to.

All that being said, I personally would go for the second option..

That's how I remember you these days - especially when Wimbledon was on!

Still, the current world number 4 is better don't you think?

Better now but not then ,we'll never know for sure until they next play eachother, i think its Davydenko isn't it?

Nope, the one and only Andrew Murray!

That is awesome!

Tom's 2nd cousin, John Smith, who is in his mid 90s and who he's never met, is now the lowest-paid worker for PMT Sewage Control Ltd. He was a dustman prior to this.

One of my friends works in Greggs, BEAT THAT!

I'm suprised at how accurate you are...

Well, do tell him that you very very vaguely have known, since January last year, someone whose 2nd cousin 55.367398192 times divorced is called Ken and that the poor spotty hung-over student is working for him and paying for him watching the telegraph-pole hurling on Setanta. You know, the channel with the old beardy fogey bloke.
And tell him also, will you, that he is requested (by order of the CEO's 2nd cousin 55.367398192 times divorced) to send a cheque for precisely £500.00 no more, no less, to the CEO's 2nd cousin 55.367398192 times divorced. Would be much appreciated.

Oh, and by the way, Ken really has recently got married - but only for the second time.

I won't, because I hate Greggs.

Oi.

*Sees tumbleweed rolling by*