Box 23 is sick

Philip Schofield: You have box 19

First five boxes please!

If you don't like Philip you can have either Katie Hopkins, Alex Rodriguez or Joey Essex

YES, I have one of the 2 boxes I wanted. I shall pick 22, 12, 6, 21, and 10. I am using my Mally Logic system.

Oh, and I'd rather have Alex Rodriguez host, as he shares my last name.

Katie Hopkins insisted on presenting at least one round, I'll let her do it, what the hell...

Katie: Your name is Ben? That's a very intelligent, high-class name. Ok, This is Deal Or No Deal, and we are opening boxes.

Celebrities are opening boxes today.

Olly Murs has box 22. Please open it...

22 - 1p! Perfect start!

Gok Wan owns box 12.
Gok: Ben, your baggy jeans and Nike Air Force 1s is such an old look. If you spend a week with me I'm sure we can fix that!

12 - £750! Beautiful!
Gok: So proud of myself

Katie: With a name like Gok, I would never employ you, please open box 6, Simon Cow

Simon Cow: Alrighty tighty, let's open it

Box 6 contains £20,000! Eek...

Katie: Let's open box 21 please... Dan Castellanata

Dan: Oh OK why not

21 - 10p! Super duper doo! Golly geepers!

Katie: Presenting is hard, I don't know what to say

Vernon Kay has box 10 and he opens it

In box 10 is £3,000

The banker calls

The banker has made his OFFER!!!!!!

It is: £12,333.23

Some stats
Median: £1,000 (Oh THAT'S useful)
Absolute Balance: Pony
Fair Deal: only a dope would deal here
Volatilty: Like riding a bike down Oxford Street

---	£1,000
---	---
50p	£5,000
£1	£10,000
£5	£15,000
£10	---
£50	£35,000
£100	£50,000
£250	£75,000
£500	£100,000
---	£250,000

The board is far too good to walk away from for less than £15,000, so NO DEAL.

5, 16, and 18, please.

Alex Rodriguez has lost all his money on hiring lawyers because of his steroid hysteria so he needs some money to fund his lavish lifestyle, so he'll present this round for £693

Hi, I'm Alex! You might me remember me from the New York Yankees, best player ever, better than that poser Derek Jeter, also the RED SOX SUCK

BankerSpanker: OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID PRESENTER AND LET THE CONTESTANT OPEN THE STUPID BOXES I HATE THIS STUPID SHOW WHY DO I STILL KEEP WATCHING

Alex: Oh shut up. Uh... Box 5 is Kanye West's, he flew from the U.S. just to open this box,

Box 5 contains: £35,000! Oh dear :/

Kanye west does a performance of his new song "The Day You Gave Me a Daughter Kimmy Baby"

BANKERSPANKER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HATE RAP SO MUCH AND KIM IS A BRAT

Box 16 is held by Houston Astros Nobody Jose Altuve who flew from Venezuela because he wants to play sooner or later

Jose: Hi
Box 16 contains £50! Not bad!

Alex: Well, last box for today then I get overpaid, yay - open box 18 Jacques Smith

Jacques Smith is the amazing infielder for the St. Louis Cardinals, he wears #33 and is amazing ( I can dream can't I?)

Jacques: Best of luck couponer

Box 18: £5! And another hobo 5 removed!

Alex: That's me done, I'm going to kiss a few mirrors now, bye

The banker calls

The banker has made his OFFER!!!!!!

It is: £14,598.61

Some stats
Mean: £36,204.39
Mode: There is no mode
Fair Deal: Can't be bothered to work it out
Benchmark: £14,598.60995384

---	£1,000
---	---
50p	£5,000
£1	£10,000
---	£15,000
£10	---
---	---
£100	£50,000
£250	£75,000
£500	£100,000
---	£250,000

Boxes left: 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, 17, 20

You're just making it easier for me. Since the board has improved than £2,200 in the last round, I shall easily say NO DEAL.

2, 15, and 17, please.

Jacques Smith will present the round, his stats are .447 batting average, 1.493 slugging average, .953 OBP, 242378374 random stat... TAKE THAT DAVID ORTIZ, BEATING THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!

Uh... Jacques: Hello you lucky duckies, I will be presenting the round. I also will give a Smith jersey to every pilgraim watching this show!

Gareth Bale has box 2.
Gareth: I'm going to get paid way more than me Alex Rodriguez
Jacques: He won't her you, he's gone to the palace of mirrors.... and FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE OVERPAID
Gareth: you can talk rounders player rounders is for girls why are you playing a girls game!
Jacques: Oh shut up!

BANKERSPANKER: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP UPUSERIHADASJHDKIASJEAKRJFSLKGVJSFDLKGJFSELKRHSEIFJDSFLSJFLKCXV

Box 2 contains... £100,000! Oh dear

Jacques: Still have the £250,000! Be strong, Ben

Uh...Box 15 is opened by Sir Alan Sugar!

Box 15 contains £100!!

Lord Sugar: Box 15? You're hired!

Now that's comedy

Box 17 is opened by Z-lister Luisa Zissersomething

Luisa: I'm a lame attentions seeker who somehow almost managed to win the apperentice

17 contains £10!

The banker rings!

Jacques Smith will present the round, his stats are .447 batting average, 1.493 slugging average, .953 OBP, 242378374 random stat... TAKE THAT DAVID ORTIZ, BEATING THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!

Uh... Jacques: Hello you lucky duckies, I will be presenting the round. I also will give a Smith jersey to every pilgraim watching this show!

Gareth Bale has box 2.
Gareth: I'm going to get paid way more than me Alex Rodriguez
Jacques: He won't her you, he's gone to the palace of mirrors.... and FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE OVERPAID
Gareth: you can talk rounders player rounders is for girls why are you playing a girls game!
Jacques: Oh shut up!

BANKERSPANKER: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP UPUSERIHADASJHDKIASJEAKRJFSLKGVJSFDLKGJFSELKRHSEIFJDSFLSJFLKCXV

Box 2 contains... £100,000! Oh dear

Jacques: Still have the £250,000! Be strong, Ben

Uh...Box 15 is opened by Sir Alan Sugar!

Box 15 contains £100!!

Lord Sugar: Box 15? You're hired!

Now that's comedy

Box 17 is opened by Z-lister Luisa Zissersomething

Luisa: I'm a lame attentions seeker who somehow almost managed to win the apperentice

17 contains £10!

The banker rings!

The banker has made his OFFER!!!!!! once again

It is: £15,334.45

Some stats
Standard Deviation: Forgot the formula
Deal-Eye says you should: Go work it out yourself it's my day off
Fair Deal: Any amount from 2p to £249,999.99
Benchmark: ERROR, Benchmark couldn't be retrieved

---	£1,000
---	---
50p	£5,000
£1	£10,000
---	£15,000
---	---
---	---
---	£50,000
£250	£75,000
£500	---
---	£250,000

Boxes left: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 20

Since I NEVER take the 3rd offer unless it's over 75% of the average (as dealing at that point is LAME ), it's another VERY easy NO DEAL.

1, 7, and 8 next, please.

Daniel123 presents this round

Daniel: Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm most excited to be hosting this round! We'll go to box 1, Mally.

Who's MAlly?

Mally: YOU STOLE MY SYSTEM YOU JERK! I'M GOING TO SUE YOU! IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Box 1 contained: £250,000!

Sorry Ben... luck of the draw, I guess B STRONG

Box 7 is opened by Nicki Minaj

You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho, You a stupid ho,

Daniel: This rather classy lady has had to be escorted from the studio (well, to be rather blunt, we catapulted her through the roof. I'm sure she'll... be... fine...) I shall open the box therefore.

Box 7 contained: £15,000

OH well... We shall continue, Pikachu, please open box 8!

Pikachu: Yeah, sure. Whatever. Can't be that hard.

Box 8: £10,000

Mark: All Red Round

Daniel: Yes, thank you very much for pointing out the obvious.

The Banker Calls, how quaint

He has to go down... :\

It is: £6,393.63

Some stats
Best side dish to go with this round: Rice
Fair Deal: Whatever you feel is real
Benchmark: Boltzmann's constant
Significant Balance: Tottenham Court Road

---	£1,000
---	---
50p	£5,000
£1	---
---	---
---	---
---	---
---	£50,000
£250	£75,000
£500	---
---	---

4 easy decisions so far; NO DEAL.

11, 13, and 4, please.

We've run out of presenters, so Skyline will make this real quick.

Skyline: Just open the boxes in the order ACB specified. I'll just stand here reading this grown-up's newspaper *COUGH*DAILYMAIL*COUGH*

Box 11 is opened by Bruce Forsythe

NICE TO SEE YOU, TO SEE YOU, oh I quit

11 contains £1,000! Meh...

Box 13 is opened by Nick Clegggg

Nick: Vote Clegg, I got a third class degree at OXford, way better than a first class degree from Imperial College (seriously that uni SUCKS)

13 contains £500 Not too bad

Box 4 is opened by a ghost

BOO

4: £50,000

OH well, the banker rings...

The Banker is feeling really mean at the moment...

It is: £5,244.39

Some stats

VOLATILITY: 239 DEGREES CELCIUS
Mean: You're mean
Fair Deal: I think it's £3,125.37 but I may have left my calculator on 'Radians'
Benchmark: I'd take it if I were you, but I'm just a bench, who cares what I think

---	---
---	---
50p	£5,000
£1	---
---	---
---	---
---	---
---	---
£250	£75,000
---	---
---	---