Dirk's a fantastic bloke - really funny and always cracking jokes - but with some interesting stories about his past too. He was one of my main friends there, and we spent many an hour together in the pub, green room, hotel, coach, etc. talking about all sorts to do with DOND and life in general.

The trip I had to Bristol city centre with Dirk and Lisa one weekend has to be one of the funniest things I've ever done! I'll be posting more funny Dirk-related stories here as and when I remember them.

I'd always get a fit of giggles with Lisa whenever we looked over and saw Dirk standing there on his "invisible motorbike" (which he'd inherited from Rich according to Noel). He's a bit quiet on set as he's concentrating on his motorbike, but he really is a gem!

Also can anyone (mike? ) supply a video of Dirk's box opening from today? His dramatic pause ( ) before he opened his box was brilliant...

hahaha yea it was hilarious!! i watched it with my mother and we were both in stitches!!!

Here it is then - Dirk's Slow Box Opening - from today's show.

When I watched this earlier I did find it really amusing. I was actually waiting for Noel to say something like 'open the box, Dirk'. Instead there was just this long silence (apart from a bit of laughter after a few seconds) waiting for Dirk to open his box.

Just imagine if you were at 3-box at a vital point with the game resting on the last box opened and you choose Dirk. The tension would be unbearable if he took that long.

im in dirk seems like a great guy

I'm in, he made me laugh today with his comments!

I'm in.

I'm in funny funny banter him and george today. I think he said 'speele' meaning play seeing as 'spielen' means play in German.

Yes, I assume the Dutch word is similar to the German word.

Anyway, Dirk promised me that he'll join the forum and make some contributions, so I can't wait for him to do so. In the meantime, he's said I can post some stories about him, so here goes...

Lisa, Dirk and I went to Bristol's city centre on one weekend, and it was funny from start to finish! Dirk was chatting up two girls who were dressed as Christmas crackers and Lisa took his photo with them. She then dragged us into a clothes shop, and Dirk kept going on about these girls who were dressed as "fire crackers". Lisa and I didn't know what he was on about, and then he suddenly yelled out "CHRISTMAS CRACKERS!!! NOT fire crackers".

A little bit later, the thought of lunch was clearly in Dirk's head as I asked him if he ever went cycling in Holland, and he said "Yes, we must get some". I then said "No, did you go cycling?" and he said "Ja, ja, we'll get some" - I think he thought I was talking about food!!

We then went to look for a cafe but there was a mis-understanding where Lisa and I thought Dirk wanted to go to a cafe with a wooden floor so he could do his "banker challenge war dance" (more on that later) as the wooden floor makes the banging louder. I'm still not sure if he wanted to go to a cafe with a wooden floor for that reason or not.

There was a man and a woman doing some rather erotic dancing in a big bubble thing in the Cabot Circus shopping centre (I think it was some sort of advertising feature) and in a loud voice, with children nearby, Dirk said "Eh David, why don't they get on with it and have sex?".

Then on the way back to the hotel, Dirk started asking Lisa what she was doing that evening. She said she might go for a dip in the hotel's swimming pool, and Dirk kept asking her if he could come and watch.

alexanderbrown,

I did say to George "Spelen" when he asked me but the subtitles said "spel het"..
Anyway no problem the idea was to tell him to carry on which he did.

Yes Dave the Dutch word "spelen" or "speel" is almost the same as the German word "Spiel " which has the same meaning.

Oh boy those Christmas cracker girls,
But we did go for something to eat did we not.

Dirk,

It's great to see you on here. What's the story behind your username?

And I think we did go for something to eat - did we not end up in Burger King (where you were eyeing up more young ladies)?

It means 'Big Chief' in South Africa. Don't you even know that yet?

My shamwari,

I wasn't aware of that, no, but I am now!

Famba zwakanaka,
David

He seems like a great addition to the wings, I hope he does more box openings like the one he did on sunday, what was that strange look he was giving.

Seems a great character so I will join the fan club of Nkosi Enkulu


Jim

Welcome to forum Dirk. Hope you had a good game.

The time has come for another Dirk Tale.

Dirk's from Holland but spent many years living in South Africa where he came across the Zulu tribal warrior dance. He altered the words to suit DOND, and called it the "Banker's Challenge". It's best performed when on a wooden floor, and you stamp your feet on the floor whilst holding up your left arm and whacking the elbow with your right arm (this gives the impression of whacking your shield, I think).

It goes something like...

I zicka zimba, zimba, zimba
I zicka zimba, zimba, hey
I zicka zimba, zimba, zimba
I zicka zimba, zimba, hey

Bring him down, that man called Banker!
Hold him down, and make him CRY, CRY, CRY... HEY!

I zicka zimba, zimba, zimba
I zicka zimba, zimba, hey
I zicka zimba, zimba, zimba
I zicka zimba, zimba, hey

Bayete!

Dirk often performed this before going into the studio to pump everyone up. He'd normally throw a 1p coin onto the floor before he performed the dance too.

One evening in the hotel, there were a group of BBC Executives who had reserved a VIP area of the hotel bar. They were having some sort of awards ceremony, standing up to give speeches and so on. It was quite clear that us "DOND rabble" wasn't welcome, so we decided to move to the pub next door. Dirk suggested that on the way out, he should perform his Banker Challenge Dance. He did so, and we all walked through the hotel bar performing his dance with him, drowning out everything the BBC Executives were saying. It was so funny - the look on the hotel staff was priceless - they just didn't know what to do or how to react!!! Nice one, Dirk!!!

Another Dirk Gem is due around about.......... now!!!!!!!!

Dirk had been tormenting me all day with the set of false teeth that he kept in his pocket. He'd often get them out, hold them in his hand and say "Eh, Dave, look what I've got" and then burst out laughing when I showed my disgust at these plastic teeth he was holding in his hand.

One evening when we were walking back from the pub, there was a drunk wedding guest peeing up the wall of the hotel (lovely! ). Dirk got his set of false teeth out and he said "Eh, Dave, you know how I could stop him doing that". I think he was implying that he could bite the man's wedding tackle off with his set of false teeth...

There is no denying that he is funny particularlly if stands over a box does nothing for a few seconds so I'l join.

Yea Dave, i can remember that one all right.
Gee. that bloke got very agitated especially when the women with us started laughing. He did not know what to do but eventually tried to put it away out of sight and mouthed ". ......... b.itches.
I more than likely made it a bit worse when I said they're laughing at the size of it.

Dave, it are little incidents like that what made our stay in Bristol something what stays with you and will remember in years to come and wish that you could turn the clock back.

Dave you mentioned in another post I was in South Africa. No, it was actually North and Southern Rhodesia. later to become Zambia and Zimbabwe.. But I do know South Africa as I often went there on holidays. Also I was at that time often in Bechuanaland (now Botswana).
Wonder Why Noel has mentioned the false teeth yet, especially when he asked you once during one of the shows what you were grinning at and you pointed to me.

Bayete

Dirk