Stand by

Welcome one and all to the greatest show on Earth, DEAL OR NO DEAL - coming to you direct from my living room!
...well, actually, my bedroom which is also my office...yes, I know, the best advice is to stay away from using the same room as an office and a bedroom but I don't have much space, alright? Alright?!


Who will it be today? Or actually a year ago, because of course there was an interminable delay between the recording of these shows and their eventual broadcast this yea---you know all that, OK, that's great.

We bade a fond adieu to Alexis last time out, and what a game she had - Lady (Terrible) Luck seemed certain to drag her down to the briny depths for one, two, three, four rounds, but somehow 'Leeeeeeeeeeeexus' pulled it out of the fire and home she went with £3,600-odd! Let's hope today's player has a fantastic game - whatever the stakes might be.

The weather - it won't be too cold tomorrow morning.

Here we go then!

STEPHEN MULHERN welcomes us into the arena - sorry, the studio - for another game of DEAL OR NO DEAL.

That shortened intro sequence is a bit of a shame, but here we are---

Stephen tells us about Alexis' game which I've already alluded to, and his target for an early chat today is DAMI!

She's always lovely, warm and welcoming, he says; Dami expresses good wishes toward Alexis...

Aysha is into cosmetics, and she reveals that she does botox! Stephen perks up a bit, but alas, it's the Banker who needs the botox according to Aysha...


Today's player is



KIRK!

The gruff gent makes his way along the walk of wealth, two-by-four-by-two-by-four-by, bit of that, stick it on there like that, saaaaaaaaaand mayte!

He's an AC Engineer for hospitals, for MRI scanner rooms, tech rooms and so on, for the last 20-ish years!
We see a picture of Kirk on the job, lovely jubbly...

Three young daughters, and - awwww, he gets emotional thinking about them! Bless him.

Introduces us to his partner, who tells us he's amazing and a real grafter, a real hard worker, and a great dad to his girls. All going well so far!

Oh, he's a metal detectorist! Wasn't expecting that! He says it's relaxing, especially the beep-beep-beeps...

He thinks Edward II was King in the 1800s.

He thinks Edward II was King in the 1800s.

Kirk's telepathic according to Aysha! Usually predicts box amounts and apparently does well.

He confirms that he selected the box 10 (TEN) at random prior to the show, and the independent adjudicator's the only person who knows where all the money is.

We begin!

Round 1

Kirk says he might go with ladies first, as a gentlemanly gesture!

We set off with Sonia (K), who has number 12 - it's £1!

Next off is Janet, number 7 - £100,000! Oh, what a hit this early on. Everyone gees Kirk up, let's go again, it's

Maz, number 8 - £25,000 Yowch, this isn't the best start to a game.

Next is Aysha, number 11 - £7,500

Jemma last with number 6 which Kirk doesn't like - 10p!

Time now for THE BANKER.

Banker is in a very good mood, won 4 out of 5 games last week, blah, blah...

He thanks Aysha for the botox offer, but says he doesn't have frown lines, only laughter lines...
We'll see who has the last laugh! (Daniel, August 2007)

Cutting through some talk about reading minds, the offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

£720

Kirk says NO DEAL!

We'll be back after this quick word from our sponsors. (D. Cavett, 1969)

We have returned!

Let's find out more about Kirk - he's in his local darts team, playing every Wednesday for a bit of socialisation, he's hit a few 180s! Not bad at all. If he won big money, he'd like his daughters to have a bigger room (one room?!) and a bigger place, and his partner who's an amazing singer would love all the equipment to do that----oh, she was in Oliver in the West End!
Stephen says when the Banker makes his next offer, Kirk should say 'please sir, can I have some more?'

Round 2

Kirk sticks with his strategy, so the next box is

Sarah, 9 - 50p!

Now to

Nicole, 1 - £10,000 Ahhhhhh. But Kirk doesn't like the £10,000 so that's alright

Lastly it's

Jenna, 21 - 1p! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! (Dilan04, 2006)

Time to hear from the Banker again...

Glenn says his metal detector prediction (that Kirk would win 1p or 50p) was wrong! So maybe the £50,000 is in the box after all...

Kirk says we'll push on, The Banker admires his guts.
Not sure how the Banker can see Kirk's guts, but anyway...

It's

BANKER'S OFFER

£1,720

Which is met with silence from the studio, and a swift

NO DEAL

from Kirk!

Oh hang on, he's called back...
"Would you like a little sprinkle of fun?" "A banker's challenge...you say you can communicate with cardboard boxes which is bonkers...I'm so confident you can't...that if you can predict one of the amounts in the next three boxes, I'll instantly add another £1,000 to the offer!"

Kirk predicts £50 will be in one of the next three boxes.

Round 3

First
Simi, 5 - £10 Nearly!

Next

Wendy, 18 - £100 Ohhhh almost! But this is great progress!

Last it'll be

Dami, 2 - £250 Not quite the guess, but a magnificent round!

Have that Hugill, let's hear from you now...

The Banker talks about Kirk's claim that he predicts 8 out of 10 boxes correctly - is that just in his head?

There's a bit more chatter, largely irrelevant, and the offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

£1,930

To which Kirk immediately responds "Nahhh..."

He talks about how he and Rob saw a sticker on one of their feet with the number 10 on it, so 10 is significant in this game!
Rob also takes a size ten shoe...

Kirk asks for the question, and having received same, he responds
NO DEAL!

Round 4

will be proceeded with upon return from another commercial break.

We hear from ACTIMEL, and see a trailer for an upcoming motion picture, BUGONIA.

There is also a Christmas advertisement. Ye gods.

We're back.

Round 4

Kirk selects

Chantel, who used to be in a girl band and has box 15 - £50! There she goes!

Next up it's

Mick, 4 - £3,000 That's good!

And finally

Kev, 14 - £1,000 Great round again!

Time to hear from a slightly less comfortable Mr Banker...

...who says it's a decent game. He is correct.

Some banter about Kirk thinking he's got a big red in his box because Rob wears a size ten shoe. Kirk agrees with this assessment.
Ten isn't even that big, my shoe size is 11 - and I'm short as well!

Anyway, more acknowledgement that it's a strong game, leading up to

BANKER'S OFFER

£8,180

Kirk says that's a stanshall amaaant o' munny.
Substantial amount, I think.

Anyway, he says

NO DEAL

Round 5

On to

Nick, 13 - £5,000 A few umms and errrrrs from the crowd but that's good!

Why hasn't he selected Ush?!

Rob thinks it's a good box.
Next is

Rob, 20 - £500! But---eurgh, they're both Arsenal supporters...

Finally, in this remarkable game, Kirk selects

Lee, 22 - £5! THIS IS QUITE UNBELIEVABLE! (T. Lowe, 1985)

ONE blue at five box

Should be in five figures the offer.

There is yet another interval to allow for a series of undoubtedly largely-futile efforts by various companies to persuade the general public to avail themselves of the goods and/or services these entities have to offer.