22 identical sealed boxes; a quarter of a million pounds that people don't win because they deal at £17,000; and of course, just one question.

Welcome to DEAL OR NO DEAL.

We're on More 4 today, and shunted forwards to 3:20pm for some reason. Not sure why so early. Come Dine With Me and Jamie's 30 Minute Meals are presumably more important so get the tea time slots. Though to be fair I do like those programmes.

Noel blabbering on as per usual in the intro.

Anyhow, sitting in the crazy chair today is MIKE

Mike has a job.

Mike has some stubble.

Mike has a yellow shirt with a nametag and microphone attached.

He used to sell bananas which maybe explains the shirt colour.

Noel is wearing a purple shirt.

Mike is 6'8!!

Mike has children. One girl and one boy.

Mike has box 15 which he chose at random before the game began which was sealed by the independant adjudicator who is the only one who knows where the money is.

Let's do this.

THE FIRST ROUND

1 - Eleanor - £10

22 - DEATH BOX - Lecia - £5,000

6 - Raj - £1

We're racing through this show so far.

20 - Hailey - £250,000

Oh, no!

11 - Stan - £10,000

And thus ends round 1.

Noel talks to the banker.

Banker's offer:

£3,000

The pilgrims eventually clap.

NO DEAL

After a lot of pointless dithering it has to be said.

Oh my god, stood next to Noel he looks massive!

And Noel is correct when he says Mike's break link was pathetic.

No advert reviews today i'm afraid.

None taken

Hello there! Actual Mike?

Please don't beat me up if my sarcasm gets worse!

THE SECOND ROUND

lol, Noel makes Mike stand on the un-raised bit of floor so he can feel taller.

18 - Carl - £75,000

9 - Theo - 1p

Theo licks his lips ready for the kiss. There was no tongue involved in the actual kiss but Theo then lipped his lips again.

10 - Kat - NEWBIE - £50

Decent round on balance I reckon.

Mike seems to like the idea of being tied up by Noel.

Quality picture on the board of Noel looking tiny compared to Mike. I hope it's the image used for Deal-Eye!

Banker's offer:

£5,500

There's a little bit too much thinking about these offers for my liking. Mike wants a sports car and Noel wonders which he might be able to fit in. And then there's some more talking but I can't listen and type at the same time so you'll have to 4OD it if you want more details.

The banker must subconsciously be removing £1,000 from future offers for every second this goes on.

NO DEAL

Feel free Sir - all good fun

THE THIRD ROUND

Margaret has a "feeling" it's going to be blue.

13 - Margaret - £100

Rigged! Totally rigged!!

14 - Mark - £20,000

Time for another break.

There's a P on the screen this time. Still not entirely sure why. Not noticed any obvious product placement.

lol @ Noel standing on the chair to be taller.

FALL! FALL! FALL!

haha, the banker has rang and Noel can't reach the phone. Mike has to hand it up to him. And the banker isn't even there.

Last box of round 3.

12 - Calvert - 10p

Again, i'd be classing that as a good round.

The banker admits he rang earlier because he wanted Noel to step forward and fall.

Banker's offer:

£9,500

Aha, we're now actually entering dealable territory.

Calvert giving the most obvious assessment of a board ever. Got some good buzzwords in there too. "safety-net", "smile money". Noel rightly mocks him.

Mike joins in with "ladder".

I'm bored now. Decision please.

NO DEAL

THE FOURTH ROUND

3 - Flo - £100,000

Boom!

2 - Chloe - £3,000

Tentative applause there.

4 - Aleks - £50,000

Not the best of rounds.

Get this, the banker is happy!

Banker's offer:

£2,000

On we go surely...

Mark says it's a good offer for the board. It isn't really. But I guess it's not the worst offer in the world. Mark ends with saying "percentages and luck".

It's pretty much a gamble all the way to the end board now, or bail with £2,000. I think most would continue here.

Which Mike does.

NO DEAL

And another break.

Not the worst offer ever but it's not a good one either.

And we are back. Felt like quite a long break that one.

THE FIFTH ROUND

16 - Veronica - £1,000

Applause, but I wouldn't be thrilled to see that go at this point. 2 reds left.

8 - Tom - £35,000

£15,000 now the only red remaining.

21 - Maive - £5

So a 4/1 split. But the good news is he has the 3 highest blues so that might help the offer.