Okay people, Neil is trying to sell his bubble bath for £350, so as it is April Fools Day, lets assume there is some kind of weird alternate universe where certain items of DOND merchandise are being offered for sale.

From the list below, how much would you honestly be prepared to pay for each, should they ever become available on eBay? (Not that they will, but let's pretend, okay?). I know some can be got for free, but certain wags have tried selling application forms and Noel pics before now on eBay, so lets just try and get some idea of what the going rate is for certain things and who is mad enough to purchase what!

Are you ready? Let's rock! The items for sale today are...


1. A signed copy of Mally's book.

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly".

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only)

4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply).

5. A DOND application form.

6. Marcus' tuxedo

7. A CD of Bunney's songs

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees.

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie.

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque.

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14.

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode.

13. Noel's Lucky Hat.

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas.

15. A genuine DOND mug.

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings.

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep.

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel.

19. A book of Morris' poetry.

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition.

21. One of Noel's shirts.

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game.

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes.

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air.

25. Dinner with Pat M.

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel.

27. The Lucky T-Bag

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker.

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio.

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant.


Place your bids now!

Haha, nice idea!


1. A signed copy of Mally's book. - £3

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". 50p

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) Urm £0

4. A date with Steph (Adam need not apply). £20

5. A DOND application form. 50p

6. Marcus' tuxedo £50

7. A CD of Bunney's songs You'd have to pay me....

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. £5

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. £10

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. £50

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. £5

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. 50p

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. £25

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. £0

15. A genuine DOND mug. £30

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. £10

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. £0

18. A date with Noel. Arrghhhhhhhhhh............

19. A book of Morris' poetry. £2.50

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. £25

21. One of Noel's shirts. £20

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. £10

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. £5

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. £50

25. Dinner with Pat M. £75

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. £250

27. The Lucky T-Bag 50p

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. £5

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. £50

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant. £1,000


So being a contestant was the most valuable thing.

1. £3

2. £0

3. -£1 Their family was ugly

4. £0 Wouldn't want it

5. £9 I'd fake my age

6. £0 I'm not gay (no offence to any gay people on the forum)

7. -£1111 Not on this earth

8. -£2 Didn't like Lucy

9. £15 He seems funny

10. £25 It'd be great

11. £0 He was stupid to turn down £28k

12. £0.09 meh

13. £10 It's cool

14. £0 Are you having me on?

15. £10

16. £5

17. £0 It's not dond...

18. £0 I'm not gay (again, no offence to any gay people on the forum)

19. £0, Don't read

20. £10 It'd be interesting

21. £0 I'm fine with my own...

22. £50 I really weant to see how she did

23. £20 Nice piece of memorabilia

24. £2,500 Wow i so want to do that

25. -£23456457657 I HATE PAT M!!!!

26. £15,000+ I so want a DoND Box

27. £3

28. £9

29. £1,000 I WANT TO DO IT!

20. £250,000 I'd be so glad, I've dreamt it a couple of times too...

Good answer!



Oh dear! Don't give up the day job, Bunney!

No takers for Noel's banana yet, either...

OK, let's go through this.

1. You can't hate her when you haven't met her.

2. What has she ever done?

3. Pat is probably reading this, watch what you say.

I'd pay to see Amanda's game and to definitely be a contestant...I think 1p would probably be my maximum bid for the rest, though...

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. £0

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". £0

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) £0

4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). £0

5. A DOND application form. £5

6. Marcus' tuxedo £0

7. A CD of Bunney's songs £0

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. £10

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. £0

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. £10

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. £0

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. £5

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. £20

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. 0.01

15. A genuine DOND mug. £15

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. £5

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. £0

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. £20

19. A book of Morris' poetry. [/b]£1[/b]

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. £0

21. One of Noel's shirts. [/b]£10[/b]

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. £10

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. £2

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. £15

25. Dinner with Pat M. £0 [It wouldn't be fair for me to get it since I wasn't watching Dond when she was on and there are some people who would much rather have it than me (L

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. £500

27. The Lucky T-Bag £2.50

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. £2

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. £30

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant. £100

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. 50p

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". £1

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) - I'd have to be paid to watch that!

4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). - £0

5. A DOND application form. - £0

6. Marcus' tuxedo - £5, but I'd rather have Conor's.

7. A CD of Bunney's songs - I'd have to be paid

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. - £0

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. - £20 - what other sum to meet Geordie?!

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. - £20

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. - 14p

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. - £1

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. - which one? £1 for any of them.

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. - £0

15. A genuine DOND mug. - £15

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. - £2

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. - I'd have to be paid to watch that.

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. - £25, just so I could have the pleasure of throwing food in his face if he got irritating.

19. A book of Morris' poetry. - £2

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. - £0 - the solution is "Noel is havin' a laff LOLLLL"

21. One of Noel's shirts. - £15

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. - £2.50

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. - £3

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. - £50

25. Dinner with Pat M. - £50

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. - £15

27. The Lucky T-Bag - £2

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. - £25

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. - £100

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant. - £500

Meh. I want to add my own ones.

Getting to meet one of the contestants in my top 5 - £25.

Getting to meet one of the contestants who I fancied in my top 5 - £50.

There's definately some kind of pattern emerging here!

The good news is that I can outbid you all on Lucy's dungarees, so there is hope for me yet. As long as I win this item, that's all that matters!

The bad news is that Bunney will never make it as a recording artist, as no-one wants his CD.

There are also lots of would-be contestants on the forum who are prepared to pay big money to get a guaranteed spot on the show. Lots of you would also pay to open a box for the viewers comp and would even be prepared to buy a simple seal from one of the viewers comp boxes. I wonder what happens to those? Could an audience member smuggle one out of the studio? There would seem to be a market for them!

I'm also amazed at how many of you would PAY for a Deal or No Deal application form! Anything to do with Noel seems popular - his lucky hat especially. If you're reading this Noel then how about donating it to Children in Need for a charity auction later in the year? I think it would do quite well!

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. - £3.50

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". 1p

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) Pass
4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). £15

5. A DOND application form. 10p

6. Marcus' tuxedo £0.00000001

7. A CD of Bunney's songs. Urgh, how bad do they get - Ill pass

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. 10p

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. Pass

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. 1p

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. £1

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. £1
13. Noel's Lucky Hat. I wouldn't It would embarrass me to own it - pass

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. If I want a banana - I can go to tesco - pass

15. A genuine DOND mug. - £10

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. - £5

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. £7

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. urgh, pass

19. A book of Morris' poetry. £3

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. £1 (dont really care that much)

21. One of Noel's shirts. 10p - so I can burn it

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. £10

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. £1

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. £20

25. Dinner with Pat M. £40

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. £40

27. The Lucky T-Bag pass, if I wanted a tea bag I would go to tesco

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. £10

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. £20

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant. I am too young, but I would pay £100

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. - £2

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". £50

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) £0
4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). £30

5. A DOND application form. 79p

6. Marcus' tuxedo. £0

7. A CD of Bunney's songs. £1

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. £0

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. £20.01

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. £1

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. £1

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. £0

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. £5

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. £0

15. A genuine DOND mug. - £5

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. - £2.50

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. £0

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. £0

19. A book of Morris' poetry. £5

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. 50p

21. One of Noel's shirts. £0

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. £8

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. £6

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. £75

25. Dinner with Pat M. £200

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. £100

27. The Lucky T-Bag. £2

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. £2.50

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. £75

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant. £1,000, guaranteed 50% to get that or more, as well as the experience.

At last. A potential buyer. My faith in human nature is restored. Proof that someone out there somewhere will buy everything on my list - but only if the price is right!

I bet I could even sell one of Noel's old toenail clippings...

I would buy Bunney's songs, but only for £1. Not even £1.01.

And I wouldn't even pay a half pence for Noel's toenail clippings.

I wonder what Jo would pay for some Nolly Stuff

Noel toe nails: £3987538746587937458872359.01

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. (I Bought the Book but as Mally does it for good causes over £20

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". (Not a penny)

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) (Not a penny either)

4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). (Not a penny don't involve myself with women happily in love)

5. A DOND application form. (Not a penny i can get it on the internet for free)

6. Marcus' tuxedo (Not for Marcus i wouldn't care but for my suits i go between (250 pound to 500 pound)

7. A CD of Bunney's songs (Love Bunney but wouldn't waste my time on this)

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. (No that seems like some sick fetish like when men like dirty ladies underwear Nothing)

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. (Nothing Geordie great player at all that but wouldn't travel to Scotland lol)

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. (I would pay a £250 unsigned signed less... Sorry Nick it would kind of ruin it for me

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. (Nothing didnt like him)

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. (Nothing)

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. (Nothing i don't believe in lucky items)

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. (Ewww it would go off horrible)

15. A genuine DOND mug. £10

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. (Nothing)

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. (Erm i would youtube it wouldnt bother seeing it again)

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. I would pay £1,000 for this but let Suezan go on the date

19. A book of Morris' poetry. (Nothing wouldnt be intrested)

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. (Dont care about it)

21. One of Noel's shirts. (Seeming as i design some similar it would have to be signed for me to part with my cash) If it upwards of a grand

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. (Dont care about it i just care that shes OK Deal Or No Deal was made small when that happened shows money doesn't mean happiness

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. (Nothing it was opened by a non contestant)

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. (Not a big deal for me

25. Dinner with Pat M. (Pat M and me Dinner NO! (I would take Pat to Michael Ball

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. (3 grand)

27. The Lucky T-Bag (No see above dont believe in special items)

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. (Dont care about it let the contestants be i love the ones that come on here anyway Nothing)

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. (alot as long as it involved meeting the banker and Noel (then you could look at somewhere in the region of (5 grand)

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant Now to get on the show wow thats hard but i would sacrifice a years wages at my job for the show so in the region of (20 thousand)

Its signed by Noel and says "what an exclusive club" Noel Edmonds... not signed by me

Hey Nick thanks for responding i would be intrested in that great prize but like i said sometimes things can go over the top etc... I aint one of these people geared towards contestants autographs etc... I do love the idea of the gift though and i did enjoy your game from the comfort of a hospital bed and your bloody right what a great exclusive club..

I didnt mean any offence by i didn't want you to sign it

Sincere apoliges Aaron

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. - got one, so don't need

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". - £2

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) - i must have this in the collection somewhere...!

4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). - i've had a beer with her....does that count?

5. A DOND application form. - got three on my computer...

6. Marcus' tuxedo - nah, wouldn't fit me

7. A CD of Bunney's songs - they're probably on torrentspy already!

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. - wouldn't fit me

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. - £20

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. - I'll stick with the copy of the £20k one thanks!

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. - 1p

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. - does Kelly come with it?

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. - does Noel come with it?

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. - £1.99

15. A genuine DOND mug. - £50! I STILL want one!

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. - Think i have a scan of the original one she had on her show on the PC!

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. - Sue & Linda's was beter

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. - Priceless

19. A book of Morris' poetry. - Priceless

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. - Even Noel would probably bid on this one!

21. One of Noel's shirts. - I used to wear crazier ones...

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. - £15

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. - £1

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. - £10

25. Dinner with Pat M. - £50 - legend!

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. - woulda been better if it was given to us because we'd won it too!

27. The Lucky T-Bag - 20p

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. - erm....actually, some of the bids on here are quite high...i could make some serious money!!!

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. - £2.93

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant. - I would give my £20,000 back to be a professional Box Opener employed by Endemol as an in-hotel helper to the contestants, liasing between them and the crew to make sure everyone is getting along well and then i would be a box opener on every show...that is officially my dream job!

I see Dave is trying to stay awake for Wrestlemania aswell

It's my thread, so hey I'll give some of my answers!
Cheers to ScrewtheBanker Dave (Show 56) for his version. Well funny!

1. A signed copy of Mally's book. Like others, I already have a signed copy of this book. If I didn't I'd pay about £10 for it probably.

2. A DVD entitled "UK Gameshows: The Best of Andy Kelly". I quite liked Andy Kelly. I'd pay £1 tops.

3. "Alone With Kelly Kay" DVD (featuring Jane) (Over 18's only) I'm no prude when it comes to things like this, but Kelly just isn't my bag. 50p just to be nosey, but I'd be looking to sell it on again as soon as possible for a quick profit!

4. A date (or lunch) with Steph (Adam need not apply). Any contestant would have great stories to tell about their time on DOND, so on that basis I'd put in a bid of £10.

5. A DOND application form. I've got one already (they are free), but assuming they were unavailable through official channels at the time, I might pay 10p for one.

6. Marcus' tuxedo I could do with a tuxedo, but I'd want it to fit. I'm not sure me and Marcus are the same size. If I could fit it, maybe £10.

7. A CD of Bunney's songs Sorry Bunney, I don't want this either!

8. A pair of 50 Shows Lucy's Dungarees. It's Lucy, so that's good enough reason to put in a bid, though I'm not sure what the hell I would DO with them - I couldn't and wouldn't wear them, that's for sure! If the proceeds were going to charity then I'd probably bid £50.

9. Tickets to the Inverness Highland Games to meet Geordie. Has to be £20 and the price of a beer!

10. Nick's signed and framed 1p cheque. If Nick ever decided to sell this, I'm sure he could get a few hundred pounds at least. His game actually aired on my birthday. On that basis, I'd go to about £200.

11. A signed photo of Madie, a.k.a. Player 14. Not a penny more than 14p.

12. Kelly's hat from last years Guy Fawke's episode. I don't really want this. I'd stop bidding at 50p!

13. Noel's Lucky Hat. I don't really want this either. I might go to £2.

14. One of Noel's half-eaten Bananas. I can't think of anyone who'd want this...

15. A genuine DOND mug. If contestant Dave can't get one, what hope for the rest of us? Upwards of £20. I REALLY want one!

16. One of Psychic Sarah's drawings. Worth £5 at least. I might go as high as £20 if I really liked it.

17. A DVD of Elizabeth & Mandy's appearance on Supermarket Sweep. Just to be nosey, I'd go as high as 50p. Not a penny more!

18. A date (or dinner) with Noel. Lunch with Noel would be interesting for sure. I'd give about £100 for that priviledge.

19. A book of Morris' poetry. Nothing personal, but I hate all forms of poetry, even Wordsworth & Keats, etc. I wouldn't give this house-room.

20. The solution to the Symbols on Noel's Hand competition. This is really bugging me! Not enough to pay silly money though. £1. Take it or leave it!

21. One of Noel's shirts. I've got some dodgy shirts, but Noel's wouldn't fit me! I might buy it for Suezan as a birthday present - if the price was right. No more than £10.

22. The chance to see Amanda's as-yet-unaired game. I'd really like to see this some day. I'd pay £5 to be in a special screening!

23. The seal off one of the viewer's competition boxes. I wouldn't pay more than 50p. It's an interesting curio but has no real value.

24. The chance to open one of the viewer's competition boxes on air. I wouldn't mind doing this though. £50.

25. Dinner with Pat M. On the same basis as Steph above, about £10 to hear Pat's experiences on DOND.

26. Laura's £250K box given to her by Noel. I'm sure if Laura ever needed the money she would probably get a few hundred pounds for this keep-sake. I wouldn't want it at that level, but I'd go to £100.

27. The Lucky T-Bag I wouldn't waste my time on this.

28. Special membership to the contestant only forums on ScrewTheBanker. I'd definately pay £5 for this priviledge.

29. A VIP tour of the DOND studio. Yes, please. £100.

30. A guaranteed place on the show as a contestant Again, yes please! £1000!