you can now apply for DoND by answering this questionaire

1. Work story - tell us what you do at work, why you love it and a story about something funny/interesting that's happened.

2. What would be your dream job?

3.Who do you live with? (please give details)

4. Do you have children or grandchildren? (If yes, please provide details.)

5. Tell us about yourself (up to 50 words)

6. Who are the most important people in your life and why?

7. What would be a life-changing amount of money and what would you do with it?

8. What's your biggest extravagance (excluding house, mortgage etc.)

9. What are your hobbies?

10. What's your best quality?

11. What's your worst/most annoying quality?

12. Tell us what makes you stand out from the crowd, or something you've done that would shock us?

13. How would your friends / family describe you? (please give positives and negatives)

14. What's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to you?

15. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?

16. What's the most daring thing you've ever done? Include any examples of big risks you've taken.

17. Tell us about your most embarrassing moment?

18. Give us 5 interesting, fun or unusual facts about you:

19. How competitive are you? (Give an example)

1. I don't currently; I'm a student.

2. Don't know; publican? MP? Radio and television show host? Successful snooker player? It varies.

3. Excuse me?!

4. No children, despite being almost 19 ( ), and even worse, no grandchildren yet!

5. I'm a student, and enthusiast of photography, maritime archaeology, football, snooker, writing, cooking, trading and cars; I'm 18 and from Gosport in Hampshire, and I'm known as much for my rapier wit as I am for my...well, the other things I do well, basically. So, yeah, I wanna be on the show.

6. My family, and you know damn well why because the reason is the same, as is the answer, whoever you ask. They're family, and they do what good family members do; they're always there, always helping, put a smile on my face, all that clichéd stuff.

7. Anything upwards of £1,000 in my current situation, which has improved in recent months; but you won't accept me if I say that, so I'm going to say £50,000 because I want to go all the way no matter what, and *beep* being cautious because that's for wimps. Happy?

8. Extravagance? Oh, I don't know. Again, in reality, this is my laptop, or my photographic kit, or my Twinings English Breakfast tea which costs me (for 50 teabags) £3 a pop. But for your sake - my £67,000,000 superyacht, which is currently berthed at Haslar marina in Gosport. I potter around in it, go to Calais every other weekend. Yeah, life's pretty nifty at the mo.

9. Reality: Maritime archaeology, photography, writing, snooker, football, curry, and probably a few others. For you - oh, let me think...my yacht like I've mentioned, let's see, organising competitions which take place in the snooker hall in my 346-bedroom house on the Isle of Wight (it's called the Isle of Wight), taking any of my 251 classic cars out for a leisurely ride in the Cotswolds of a Monday morning, reading the Telegraph, enjoying tea and coffee sent to me by my former butler in Kenya (first class, arrives within a working day), and...well, that should be it for now.

10. In reality, I don't know; my gentlemanly nature? For you - my sheer selflessness and humility, and humbleness. I should have won awards for it by now, honestly.

11. Really, my obstinacy I suppose, or the fact that I never give up on winning an argument of any size at all. For you - er, excusé moi? I have no bad qualities, thanks.

12. In reality; I go against the grain with everything I do, it's in my nature. I question my surroundings, I question authority, I try to seek the truth in things and don't just accept what I'm fed. I am a seeker of truth and justice, and what is right. For you - er, haha, well, I suppose not everyone has a £67,000,000 superyacht, now, do they...?

13. Really - not sure, ask them. For you - the best man who ever lived. I need say no more.

14. Reality - the birth of my sister when I was six. It was fantastic, although thankfully, I wasn't there to witness the actual event. For you - well, the day I moved out of my parents' skimpy 24-bed rundown and into my own little place on the Island, that was quite exhilarating. No, wait! It has to be jet skiing from the back of the yacht while travelling at 260 knots in a stormy English channel. Now that was excitement. Oh, and the beer afterwards...Kingfisher, no less...

15. In reality - I don't know, actually. My depression of November and December 2008, which led to my 2009 diagnosis and eventually to my having to take medication since last May. Maybe that, because it was just such a torrid time. For you - scratching the nearside of my Rolls-Royce while trying to park too close to a wall last year. Oh, the tears I shed that night.

16. Reality - don't know. For you - oh, that's easy. Bungee jumping. Without the bungee.

17. Reality - I was in a school assembly, aged seven or eight, and I vomited over some classmates sat in front of me. That's it, really. For you - I don't have embarrassing moments, thank you. And I wouldn't divulge them to you if I did. On swiftly.

18. Reality - I'm a published photographer (3 photos in the UNESCO Courier, 2009); also an award-winning poet (won a countrywide competition in 2007 aged 12, winning £20); I'm ambidextrous, but left-footed only; my camera lens once got broken after the shelf it was on fell down, and the camera hit my head; I'm a keen snooker player, but my highest break is still only 18; and that should be it for now. For you - I'm sorry, but there is nothing 'unusual' about me. How dare you.

19. Reality - I'll fight until something's won. End. For you - as aforementioned.

Well, wish me luck...

Revise that for stereotypical single mother whose immediate family all died within two months of each other, etc, as necessary...