I think it’s impossible for me to choice one wing over the other as they have both had some pretty awesome legends standing behind them. West wing had Marcus whereas East wing had Kirsty. What a dilemma!
I think there's only one way to solve this and that’s to invite all past contestants back to the studio and make them fight! Yay!! Oh my god I can see it now!
It was a hot summer’s day and the viewers at home were tuning into yet another show of Deal or No Deal…
“And now on four, a one off special 'DOND: West vs East!'”
Noel appeared dressed as a referee and opened the show. "Half a dozen punches, 22 menacing looking contestants and no questions except one...West or East, who’s the best?"
Instead of the normal opening titles, they showed a short montage of the contestants in training, showing the West wing completing a messy obstacle course with men shouting down their throats whilst the East wing were seen punching punch bags and running on treadmills in a gym with the ‘Eye of The Tiger’ playing in the background!
The logo disappeared and the show began with Noel greeting us to the show whilst the contestants were getting warmed up behind their positions.
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a very different show. You might be wondering why I’m dressed as a referee, well over at dond.co.uk the members couldn’t decide which wing was the best so we thought we’d help them out! I’m not really sure what will happen over the next 45 minutes so all I can say is sit back and enjoy.”
“Ok, are you ready guys?”
“Yes!”
“Then let battle commence!”
And with that Noel blow his whistle and the lights went dim…
The Deal Or No Deal tension/heartbeat music began to play as the cameras zoomed in on the contestants’ faces showing their concentration and determination to win! It had the same atmosphere as a penalty shoot out!
A few seconds passed and then Mumtaz bravely stepped away from the East wing and stood in the middle of the walk of wealth facing the West wing. She was welcomed with a round of applause from the pilgrims.
Mumtaz took a few moments to prepare and then all of a sudden, the Matrix music began to play really loudly as she burst into a series of awesome karate kicks and kung fu fighting, Matrix style!
After she finished her performance, the West wing contestants looked at each other and nodded. “Yeah not bad, but I bet you can’t swallow a Roundtree without chewing?”
But before Mumtaz could answer, Derek’s owl from the West wing came swooning from one side of the studio, whilst Mad Sarah’s duck from the East wing came charging from the other side of the studio! With Derek and Sarah both riding on them wearing fetching pilot helmets.
“Oh for goodness sake! I thought I told you NO BIRDS!” shouted Noel.
At this point, the pilgrims got up and started to get rowdy shouting “EASY! EASY! EASY!” waving their “We heart the West wing!” and “We heart the East wing!” banners around! The birds battled it out whilst the rest of the West wingers and East wingers began to throw boxes at each other!
Once all the boxes were thrown, Junior Senior’s ‘Move Your Feet’ began to play and the lighting on the walls began to flash different colours as the East wing performed their Easter chick dance whist the West wing attempted their funny sweep dance they did in Hannah’s game!
Robotic Rita, JT and Marilyn then somersaulted over the East wing and performed in front of the West wing, the Rita Rave and the JT and Marilyn dance!
It wasn’t long before Igor, Tax-free Harry and Mr Hat (Savvas) too somersaulted over the West wing and did their performances, taking it in turns to show of their slick moves! It was a bit like the trailer for DANCEX but with better dancing.
Once the dancing had finished, both the East wing and the West wing realised that their opponents were not bailing out and so to end the fight once and for all, they charged into one another and began to fight, contestant on contestant action! Pat G and Pat M even fought it out to see who the best Pat was!
Meanwhile, whilst the contestants were fighting, a crash of drums, a flash of light and a massive hole in the wall where Flash’s rocket came crashing onto the set with awesome laser beams shooting out causing laser burns on the floor!
This startled the contestants!
“AHHHHHH! DUCK!!” the contestants shouted as they fell to the floor hiding behind the wings to protect themselves!
Flash didn’t stay for long though and soon buggered off to watch another thrilling episode of Holby City.
The contestants slowly got up from the floor and decided to call it quits as they were worn out and just wanted to go home.
“Look, both wings are awesome, let’s just leave it at that”
“You’re right, neither the West wing nor the East wing are the best”
“That’s correct, because I’m the best! Mwhahahaha!” the board replied.
Before anyone could say anything, the floor began to shake and the board became alive ripping itself out of the wall!!!!
And it did just that and the contestants were no more. The End.
Well, not quite...
"OH MY GOD! YOU JUST ATE THE CONTESTANTS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!!!!!!!!" Noel screamed!!!
The bored then walked up to Noel and Noel slowly backed away...
"Woah, now hold a minute, you've just eaten, you don't want me, I wouldn't taste nice."
A deathly hush of silence fell across the studio as the pilgrims sat and watched with their mouths wide open.
...
"OK EVERYONE ABANDON STUDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And with that, the pilgrims got up from their seats all ran to the exit sign as fast as they could with the Deal or No Deal board chasing them. The building started to crumble and everyone panicked flapping their arms around like a bunch of loons!
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!"
Noel and the pilgrims escaped the collapsing studio and ran down the streets of Bristol still waving their arms about, until they reached a big telephone box containing all the members of the 1p club!
But it wasn't just any old telephone box, it was a time travelling machine that could travel to anywhere at any time!
"Quick! Get in!" shouted Nick and Trevor!
Noel and the pilgrims ran into the telephone box as it flew off into the sky.
Trying to catch his breath, Noel said "What the hell is happening?!"
To which Fadil replied "Don't worry you're safe now"
"But the contestants! They're gone! It ate them!!"
"Don't worry, they're safe, we've saved them"
"But...but, I don't understand! I saw it with my own eyes, the board ate them all!"
"It's ok, they're back at the hotel. It's all over"
Meanwhile, back in Bristol, the board had finally caught up and when it realised Noel had gone, it started to collapse to the ground out of the blue, screaming "I'M MELTING!! I'M MELTING!!!" before finally shattering to it's death.
The End.
FAQ
Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 2:57 pm Author: little_monster Post subject: East Wing vs. West Wing
Much better than the East or West Wings.
