Regarding my recent posts about my mental decline, I've given myself a horrendous cut to my arm - it's so severe that it's shocked me into never doing anything of the sort again.

If I get better, I'll had to have beaten some staggering odds as I'm currently incredibly scared for the future.

Does anyone here have NO IDEA AT ALL what they will do in the future? I'm 21 next week and I'm mentally stuck at an age much younger than that - whether this is MEDICAL or just the secondary result of existing mental health issues, I can't say. But it's awful. I do not feel capable to exist as an adult.

This last post has now truly shattered my persona on here.

I'm also struggling to fathom what I'll be doing in the future. My degree isn't going as planned at the moment... :\

No, don't feel shattered Psycho. I'm in no form but I'll try my best to reply coherently (for measure, I've said three words today, 'hello' attempted twice and managed once).

I want to say stuff but not to sound hypocritical, you know? But I will anyway. There is always hope as long as you have hope. Hope is *beep* hard. Hard to find. We have to find it from somewhere, I don't know where, in us somewhere. Psycho, think about this - I am told so often 'the odds are in your favour'. They are. You have survived every day of your life to this point. Your track record for surviving is 100% and that is not too bad.

You will get better. I have every faith in you and I'm completely confident you will make this. It will take a hell of a lot of hard graft, it will be painful. But how much more painful than the pain you have lived with already, and the fact that you are still here even after that? You will doubt your strength and think you have lost your resolve but doubt is natural and you will have to keep marching on regardless like you always have. You'll get there, know that. No timeframe.

On age - I feel much the same. I also have no idea of my future, and the forum knows my situation there anyway. We do not need to know what we do in our future I don't think, it might be nice but maybe not that great to know. We need to try to appreciate today I suppose. It's so hard but we have to try.

We always have to try. Only our best efforts will ever suffice. And with our best efforts we can make it.

If you ever want to talk on a private basis, I will always be here. You've been open at least, and that is phenomenal. You haven't shattered your persona, you have shown the forum what a magnificent person you are.

That's not flattery - honesty.

Sorry I couldn't be very fluent though.

Thanks ever so much for your words, Dan.

I am one stupid, stupid prick for doing this to my arm though. I'm sickened at the wound, it'll look awful forever.

That's alright, old chap. May seem stupid at first but people say 'find healthy coping mechanisms'. I've no idea what that entails entirely, and I can't help feeling they say that because frankly they have no idea either. Just basically 'find something that works for you and doesn't harm you but I don't know what it is and I don't give a *beep*, good luck mate'. For me, I'm on a slippery path, my 14-year-old vow against vodka now counts for nothing and I'm drifting into drug use, dependency on alcohol, financial capitulation and eventual ruin, but to be honest, I am Captain Smith at the bridge of my life's Titanic and I have written myself off completely now, so I'm just passively accepting that.

So it's like why the *beep* did I just write all those words for you, you know? What a *beep*. I can hardly talk. (Edit I mean in terms of being hypocritical)

Er yeah, healthy coping mechanisms. My initial idea was to write how that wound was a way of trying to cope, and obviously it's done you more harm than good but it wasn't necessarily weak or stupid. To me anyway.

I'm not hanging around much longer.

Falling out with one of only friends because I don't think ANYONE should use the N-word and she vehemently disagrees.

Didn't fancy turning 21 anyway.

Psycho, I'm going to send you a private message roughly immediately.

Anything to do with the Westboro Baptist Church

Anything to do with THAT racial slur word. Not like I had the slightest bit of tolerance for it anyway, but after these few days, yeeesh.

Conga lines, conga lines, being out of your comfort zone, oh and did I mention conga lines?

Lines full stop. They're everywhere. Pricks. Peter Lines, Oliver Lines, Chris Lines, goodness gracious me. They're taking over the world.

Today (Tuesday, this day specifically). Can end immediately if it wants and I'll wave good riddance. Haven't spoken to a soul today, not by choice. Vocality is one of the greatest gifts in our possession. But at least I am relatively literate, in order to write.

Anything to do with the Westboro Baptist Church

I don't think i elaborated on this enough, but this group of brainwashed, ignorant, close-minded, soulless nut-jobs makes me sick!

Seriously, they must think it's still 55 AD with the way that they go so far out of their way to preach their "If you don't bend to OUR beliefs, you don't deserve to live!" hate to the point of trying to force-feed it to us, and it makes me physically sick the way SHIRLEY and her inbred posse goes as far as picketing people's funerals with their stupid signs and ranting about how the world is a terrible place because people don't beleive in the delusional *Bleep* they beleive in

When the WBC pickets people's funerals, they're basically laughing at their heartbroken families and saying "Ha-Ha! They deserved to die because they didn't beleive in what we beleive in, so they're rotting away in hell now! And guess what, when you die, we'll be up here laughing while you rot in hell too!"

The WBC are the greatest trolls ever.

People who tell me my writing 'shows heart' but 'needs emotional experience' and, in short, probably isn't good enough.

I was an award-winning poet by the age of twelve, I'll have you know...

People who confuse astronomy and astrology... Just no! The amount of times people have asked me if I study astrology, they seriously deserve a good slap

I irritate me a bit, really. Caused myself some pretty harsh emotional/psychological wounds of late...needless ones too, I mean nothing negative is ever exactly needed, but needless in this case.

Still, something to get my teeth into, and I can't stop to cry. Weekend ahead, time to drop everything and relax...forward!

Restaurants that don't get my order right AND have the wrong prices displayed on their menu.

Having to pretend to be someone you aren't.