Hows it racist

Bob Hope-ist

Well dont blame me i got it from the star

I shall blame you for reading such rubbish... be like h2005... he reads the Daily Mail dont you know.

Kelvin Mackenzie, who writes in the Sun, also did something like that. He also did this:

Financial news from Japan... yesterday, the Origami Bank folded, the Sumo Bank went belly-up and the Bonsai Bank had to cut branches. The Karaoke Bank is going for a song while shares in the Kamikaze Bank have nosedived. 500 staff at the Karate Bank got the chop and there is something fishy going on at the Sushi Bank.

Yes, I read the Sun...

The Suns alright, it's a million times better then the Star, even the Beano is.

Dya know I don't mind The Sun? But I much prefer The Independant! However they arent quite so amusing in there! xxxxx
I have a further joke for you: What is brown and sticky? A stick xxxxx

*tumbleweed*

Maud darling i'm far too serious to be a joker, however I do know something funny! xxxxx

(sorry if already posted here)

The result of the vote for top 10 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe this year;

1. Zoe Lyons – "I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her." (11.65%)

2. Andrew Laurence – "Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public." (10.10%)

3. Lloyd Langford – "My girlfriend said 'did you know that hippopotamuses kill more people every year than guns?' 'Yes,' I said, 'but a gun is easier to conceal." (9.90%)

4. Josie Long – "When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said 'oh, two or three.' And she wonders why her marriage didn't work." (7.35%)

5. Tim Vine – "Velcro. What a rip-off." (6.10%)

6. Stephen Grant – "The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe - wouldn't it be easier just to talk to a woman?" (5.80%)

7. Edward Aczel – "So far Bird Flu has only killed 47 people. By the time it ends, it's going to have killed 37 million. It's got to get going, hasn't it, if it's going to be the pandemic we've all been hoping for." (5.60%)

8. Joan Rivers – "Grandchildren can be f**king annoying. How many times can you go 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel." (3.75%)

9. Tom Stade – "I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward." (3.55%)

10. Jeff Kreisler – "People were outraged because of Barack Obama's spiritual advisor. I think it's great he had one. Who was George Bush's spiritual advisor? Jim Beam? Johnnie Walker? Jack Daniels?" (3.40%)

to be posted on every works notice board -:

1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water

down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone

else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using

the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for

a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use

a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you

from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze

button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll

be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD- 40 and Duct Tape. If it does n't

move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the

duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

they are brilliant! xxxxx

Mine are terrible!

And here's one to prove it



What is a gay's favourite song?

Diana Ross - I'm Coming Out

No, a gay's favourite song is "Does Your Mother Know" by ABBA!

If you don't have Vista, you can turn your XP box into a Vista simulator. Just turn on all the flashy crap in XP, change the background image, take some memory out of your box and clock down the CPU. Then break Media Player. Works like a charm.

^^^
As a Mac user that's the best thing I've ever heard.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

I backed a horse today at 20 to 1. It came in at twenty past four

I slept like a log last night; I woke up in the fireplace

A man walked into the doctor's, he said "I've broke my arm in several places." The doctor said "Well don't go to those places."

These jokes are from Tommy Cooper

The BBC.

Can't beat a bit of satire.