Right boys and girls! Time for an old recipe now! I say 'old recipe' because I don't actually have the funds to try out a new one at the moment. so get used to it.

Oven roasted courgettes stuffed with mashed potato and watercress

This was originally cooked just over a year ago in Food Tech classes. Which I got an E in. Not impressed. So you can all copy me and get Es!

As this was cooked so long ago, I am trying to remember how I did it so apologies if things are missed out or don't make sense.

Ingredients: (FOR ONE LONELY PORTION)
1 Courgette
2 big potatoes (or about 300g)
75g section of cucumberrrrrr
10g Watercress
50g Spinach
15g Butter
Herbs/ Spices if required, you spicy human being, you!

Method:
1. "Here comes a chopper to chop up your courgette! " Chop your courgette in half and using a spoon or your hand or whatever (I don't give a *beep* and I won't tell the teacher which is coincidentally me) and hollow out the interior leaving something that looks like drainpipe guttering. On a baking tray, drizzle with a little oil and place both halves into the oven at 190 degrees centigrade and bake for about half an hour. Unless your oven is held shut with a giant fossil (no euphemism intended) like mine is and it may take a little longer.

2. Peel and chop the potatoes without peeling or chopping yourself and plop into a saucepan. Boil for about 25 minutes or till you can stick a fork in one of them and it just kinda crumbles. A bit like your face! BOOOOOM! Add a pinch of salt to the water, just for the sake of it despite it not making much of a big difference.

3. Cut off the stalks of the spinach and cut into quarters or halves. (The spinach not the stalks fool!)

4. My original recipe from 2009/10 now says the potato should be ready, but I'd be worried if it took you 25 minutes to cut some spinach If it takes you that long, either you shouldn't be in the kitchen in the first place or you've got a little too much spinach! So, instead, hang around for 20 minutes doing nothing.

5. By now the potato should be ready ( ) so after the water is drained, add the butter and spinach and mash those potatoes with an er.... Masher!! Mash those damn potatoes like you've never mashed anything before; like your life depends on it; like they're the only thing that knows your heaaaaaaaart. Ahem.

6. When there are no lumps, spoon the mashed potato (kinky!) into the roasted courgettes and use a fork to smooth down the top and it kinda adds decoraton. Add spices on top here if desired darrrling. Put back in the oven for 10 minutes.

7. Once the mashed potato has browned and crispened on top.

8. Garnish with cucumber and watercress and serve.



This cost about £1.27 per portion to make at the time.

Mmmm. Green.

I’m surprised you got an E in Food Tech because your presentation looks very appetising and tidy. It must be the taste of your food rather than appearance that got you the low grade I’m only joking I’m sure it tastes just as good as it looks! An E? Why your teacher must have held a grudge against you or something because that dish looks really good.

I’m not ready to become an herbivore quite yet but if ever I change my mind, I know what recipe I'll be using first!

Haha no, the majority of my food tasted okay... apart from the cottage pie because I didn't drain the mince off... Oops! It was also quite theory based and it had to be documented in my coursework and how you'd adapt it and the situation blah blah blah. I worked really hard on the course work as well! My teachers said that from my coursework, I was going to get a grade C - they sent off everyone's courseworks to be moderated and everyone came back with 2 grades lower than they told they'd get so either the teachers were too nice, or the moderators were *beep* (or both) and then the exam was a complete FLOP

And thanks, nice to know that you're never going to use this recipe.

Ah Food Tech coursework, who could forget?! I remember spending what seemed forever drawing a factory production line explaining how biscuits (or something) were made and I labelled EVERYTHING in the hope of getting a few extra marks. I did loads of radar charts as well but I made alot of them up and they were pretty messy to look at. I must have used a whole pad of A1 paper because the work just seemed endless! Still I did actually enjoy some aspects of it. If it wasn't for the coursework I would have probably failed miserably because the exam was pants.

Hey, I never said I was never going to use your recipe! I might try it at some point if I can be arsed.

Yes - the coursework was endless torture. Just when you thought you'd finished you realised you needed to write another 6 A3 pages and do a presentation to evil parents. Bad times but it was really good fun, particularly all the innuendos when the food teacher brought in a sausage machine . GCSE was traumatising, our food teacher got locked in a cupboard and I accidentally sat on someone's cake.

But I'm off to uni in a few days so expect a couple more 'wacky' recipes, probably involving alcohol.

Well I never had to do a presentation – thank goodness for small mercies!

Are you looking forward to going back to uni?

My next recipe is going to be banoffee pie, which was a semi-disaster when the caramel wouldn’t set properly (after being in the fridge for at least 3 hours) and turned to liquid AFTER I put the bananas and cream on top and then overflowed all down my arm and onto my sexy draining board when I tried to take it out of the cake tin. Oh dear. It’s actually not as bad as it sounds.

Indeed I am - The house is nearly done although I'm not going to have any curtains for 5 days which should be entertaining for the neighbours. And the boiler is broken and the boiler is in my room. Apparently my room also feels very haunted. So I'm excited to carry out some Most Haunted episodes in my room

Lol oh dear, I can't wait to read this recipe! Even if it's just for a mention of your sexaay draining board. Why did it go so wrong then? I have the mental imagery of you drowning in cream!

LOL maybe the boiler is broken because it's haunted!

It went wrong because I don't think I boiled the caramel for long enough (I used Carnation condensed milk you see). When I put it on the base it was just the right consistency, but it just seemed to deteriorate after it had been in the fridge for a couple of hours. I should have just bought the ready made caramel instead! But like I said, it's not as bad as it sounds!

OK then, here is said recipe! I wouldn't get too excited though because there are no pictures of me drowning in cream, which is lucky for me but unfortunate for you.

Banoffee Pie



INGREDIENTS

For the base:

500g of digestive biscuits
Some butter

For the caramel:

1 tin of Carnation condensed milk*
150g butter
150g dark brown soft sugar

*I recommend a tin of Carnation Caramel instead because it is a lot easier and the work is already done for you and you won't need to use the butter and dark sugar.

For the topping:

A bunch of bananas
300ml of double cream
Some caster sugar
A packet of chocolate buttons

METHOD

Step 1: Melt some butter in a saucepan on the hob. Whilst the butter melts crush the biscuits (using a blender would be ideal, otherwise a plastic bag or a bowl and a rolling pin would do the job nicely.) Preheat the oven to 180C or gas mark 4. In a bowl mix the crushed biscuits with the butter until you get what looks like damp sand...

...THEN YOU CAN MAKE A SANDCASTLE OUT OF YOUR BISCUITY CRUMBY CRUMBS!



Here's one I made earlier! If you like you can put a little flag on top! I just got a toothpick and piece of paper and quickly made one but you can spend a bit more time on it at home and add as much or as little detail to the flag as you like. Gliitter pens are a must for this crafty activity! If you're a bit of a thrill seeker you can make mutiple flags (oh you devil!) and have a little play around with the colours, see which one works best against sand, er I mean biscuit. An afternoon well spent. If you really want you can go all fancy and expand on your castle and add a princess and build a lighthouse and a ship and no Banker the average person is NOT going to do this. Just stick to the recipe no one cares about your sandcastle shenanigans. GROW UP. Awww but I was having so much fun!

(Oh dear... )

Step 2: Rub some butter on the base and around the sides of a cake tin so that the banoffee pie won’t stick to the tin when you try to take it out. (Er, that's what you think love.) Transfer the biscuit mixture into the cake tin and press into an even layer.





I like the base! I like the buttery biscuit base! That toasty nutty base! But but but b-b-b-but it needs more oomph! Base base base and then BANG in comes the wobble wobble wobble wobble!

Step 3: Place in the oven and allow to cook for 10 minutes. The base that is, not Gregg Wallace. You'd have to catch him first. CHASE ME! CHASE ME! Check the mixture has lightly toasted, if it hasn't give it a couple more minutes. Then take the base out the oven and let it cool down before putting it in the fridge to set.

Step 4: If you followed my advice earlier and bought Carnation Caramel instead then all you have to do is spread it evenly over the base because it's already made caramel so you dont' have to do any of the work you lazy *beep*! If I had known about this Carnation Caramel beforehand then I would have bought some because a) I'm a lazy *beep* and b) I'm a lazy *beep*. But I didn't so there. Sorry you can't expect me to be perfect all the time. I had to make the caramel all by myself like a professional. Which is why it probably turned out the way it did. I don't do professional love.

HOW TO MAKE THE CARAMEL (If you're using condensed milk)

When attempting to open a tin of condesensed milk, or any other tin for that matter, use a tin opener! Or if you don't have one then just use a chef's knife and a rolling pin instead, and potentially lose a hand in the process if you're not careful. Ahem.



Place the butter and sugar into a non-stick pan and stir over a medium heat until the butter melts and the sugar dissolves. To make a golden caramel, add the condensed milk, stirring continuously, until the first bubbles appears on the surface. Remove from the heat as soon as it comes to the boil. Spread the caramel evenly over the crumb base and then cool and chill for about half an hour.

Step 5: Chop up your nanas. No I'm not some sick sadist giving you instructions to chop up your grandmother, 'nanas' is short for bananas! Honestly! 3 was enough for me (bananas that is) but you can add more if you like because I'm nice like that. Arrange them over the caramel evenly.

Step 6: When you're all bananaed out (naughty!), whip the cream with the caster sugar until thick and spread over the bananas.

Step 7: Finally, put the chocolate buttons on top to decorate and serve either straight away or put in the fridge for a couple of hours and then serve.



Hmmm looking good so far. Notice how my draining board is as sexy as ever? Well this is the 'before' picture. You don't really want to see the 'after' picture and you're not going to either because I didn't take one. When I removed it from the cake tin the caramel hadn't set like it should have and went all liquidy and oozed out from all sides and leaked onto my draining board the poor thing. To be honest I don't think I boiled the milk long enough.

Well after a bit of a make-over and scraping the caramel off the draining board and eating it like a gooey toddler trying to rebuild some of it by shoving as much caramel back into the middle bit, you could hardly tell there was anything wrong with it! Here is what it looked like in the middle after everyone had a portion scoop of mess (no I didn't force it down their throats you cheeky mare!):



See it's not too bad is it?

Despite it looking like roadkill, it actually tasted rather nice.

I hate you so much! I'm sitting in a freezing room as builders are smashing my window out craving a really nice banoffee pie!

I remember that bit from the restaurant I was just like "Oh god, this isn't going to end well..." When she was hitting the knife with a hammer trying to crack the coconut. Not good.

But yes, this looks delicious, though I don't like bananananana that much. Hehe at the biscuit castle!

One of my friends and I tried to make a cheesecakes the other day but they both failed completely... Mine turned into lumpy cream and was disgusting and their's looked like squidgy cookie dough. Bleugh.

Herbivore time!

I decided to have a go at your stuffed courgettes recipe! Here's how it turned out:



Well I can say with confidence that out of the two, yours is definitely the more appealing. Mine just looks like someone with a rotten cold just violently sneezed all over it. If you got an E for yours then I may as well just throw mine in the bin. I mean look at yours, then look at mine, then look at yours again. IT MAKES YOU WANT TO THROW UP DOESN’T IT!?

It tasted quite nice actually. I'm not sure but I think I put too much spinach in the potato which is why it looks greener than it probably should. Oh well what can I say? I'm strong to the finich coz I eats me spinach!

Though it tasted quite nice, it could've done with some sort of meat or fish to go with it perhaps. Maybe some salmon, just to make it a bit more of a main course, but apart from that it was nice.

But anyway...I hope you got your window sorted out. Bit worrying if you still have a gaping hole in your wall. Have you found any ghosts in your room yet?

Ok then here's one I did in food tech the other day. Sorry I have'nt got pictures as we were'nt allowed to take any .

basic tomato soup.
You will need :
A large onion,
2 cloves of garlic,
tinned tomatoes,
a stock cube

1) Chop up your cloves of garlic and the onion into small pieces. Hopefully when you chop the onion your eyes won't swell up like mine did.

2)Pour the tinned tomatoes and the chopped pieces of garlic and onion into a saucepan.

3) Crumble up the stock cube into the pan and add some hot water to help it cook.

4) Keep stirring it until it very nearly bubbles over. At that point it will be ready.

There you have it! A basic (but nice) tomato soup!!!!

It doesn't look bad, it just looks quite rustic! The difference is, I spent about 10 minutes trying to present mine because I was getting graded on it. if I wasn't, it'd look a hell of a lot worse!

The new window is fitted by the way! But it lets water leak inside!

Tried out any more recipes since?

Oh dear, that's not very good if your window leaks. You should ring up the builders and complain about the *beep* job they've done.

My window is just as bad though. It has tiny gaps around the edges that lets a breeze in, and at this time of year my bedroom is constantly freezing because of it.

I haven't tried any recipes since, but here is a sultana scone recipe I tried out a few months ago.

Sultana Scones



INGREDIENTS:

200g self-raising flour
½ level teaspoon salt
50g butter
25g caster sugar
125ml / ¼ pint milk
Extra milk for brushing
25g to 50g sultanas

METHOD

1. Sift flour and salt into bowl.

2. Rub in butter finely.

3. Add sugar and sultanas.

4. Add milk all at once. Mix to soft, but not sticky, dough with knife.

5. Turn out on to lightly floured board. Knead quickly until smooth.

6. Roll out to about 1cm / ½in thickness. Cut into 16 to 18 rounds with 4 to 5cm / 1¾ to 2in fluted biscuit cutter. (Flute! All in the preparation you know!)

7. Transfer to buttered baking tray. Brush tops with milk.

8. Bake towards top of hot oven (230⁰C / 450⁰F or Gas No 8 ) for 7 to 10 minutes (or until well risen and golden.)

9. Cool on wire rack.

10. Serve fresh with butter or whipped fresh double cream or clotted cream and jam. Yeah baby!

Makes to 16 to 18 scones.

They look sooo nice! I love saltanas! I've tried to make cheesecake but it failed epically...

It was disgusting! It tasted like lumpy cream, so I gave it to the bin rather than the neighbours...


Are your windows double glazed? If so, that's bad!! I would call them up but I'm not meant to and besides, they haven't asked the landlord for any money yet despite finishing well over a month ago...

You like your cheesecakes don’t you?

My window is double glazed yeah, well supposedly. It’s not too bad though. If you look at my window you can’t see the gaps but if you put your hand around the edges you can feel a cool breeze. When it’s windy that’s when it gets really cold!

Oh well if they haven’t asked for any money it’s probably best to keep quiet then.

Talking about double glazed windows in a recipes thread? What the heck I'm confuzzled!

Speaking of recipes, I'm making a tuna cheese melt now! All you do is heat up a part baked baguette, cut in half, scatter tuna and grate cheese over the top, then put into the grill and voila. SO GOOD.

Mmmm sounds tasty!