Thought I'd set this up so we could have a good laugh, well anyway, here you can post all the funny quotes you have heard in a TV programme or a film! Here's one...

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps, Louise Brooks:
"I haven't felt this undignified since I trumped during my smear!"

The Italian Job:

"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

'Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burnt!'

Christine Baranski - Mamma Mia!

Oh God, I could go on for hours... I'll just pick a few of the top of my head for now though-

"So what I say is: Stick your fingers down your throat, hack your t*ts off, keep taking the pills and don't come back until your lookin' like you're something" - Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone in Absolutely Fabulous

"Neat? She was so anally retentive she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture" - Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone in Absolutely Fabulous

Edmund: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that, through learned discourse, he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
Percy: Yes, I've heard that.
Edmund: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total d*ckhead to remind me I'm best. (From Blackadder II)

Basil Fawlty: You can see the sea, it's over there between the land and the sky.
Mrs. Richards: Well it's not good enough.
Basil Fawlty: Well then may I suggest that you move to a hotel closer to the sea... or preferably in it... (From Fawlty Towers)

And from one of my favourite comedy films of all time- A Fish Called Wanda...

"Oh look, it's K-k-k-ken c-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me"

I'll post more later

Blackadder II is the best!

"Luck - sounds a lot like f..."

*cue credits*

If I have 2 beans and I add 2 more beans, what do I have?

"Some beans"

Yes... and no. Let's try again, if I have 2 beans and I add 2 more beans, what does that make?

"A very small casserole"

You know, Baldrick... to you, the renaissance was just something to happened to other people wasn't it...

Ok that just put me right of my brekkie.

Do you even know what a smear is???

Yes I do Maud.

Has anyone seen the Inbetweeners before? There are quite a few awesome lines from that..

Hot Fuzz have loads that made me laugh.

"I think I'll have a cream for that"
"He said I was 55 when infact I am 53"
"Look sharp! There's a fire in the station!" *Doris walks in with a birthday cake and a pair of rubber inflated breasts*

There are loads, but I've forgotten most of them because I haven't watched it for ages...

"When you were 4, we tied you to the central reservation of a motorway" - Patsy Stone (Absolutely Fabulous)

"Candle in the eye!" Richard T*at (Guest House Paradiso)

"If I find out you've been gambling Basil, you know what I'll do..."
"I'd have to sew them back on first" - Sybil and Basil Fawlty (Fawlty Towers)

Basically, anything from Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Father Ted, Absolutely Fabulous, Keeping Up Appearances, Red Dwarf, Bottom and Gimme Gimme Gimme...

Oh, and of course-

"Take your friendship, take your good times, take your wooden fackin' squirrel and shove it up your twin arses" - Joannie Taylor (The Catherine Tate Show)

Plus literally anything Georgie says in that show

Let me see if I get it right this time around:

"Jog on!"



Oh and the other funny one I can clearly remember:

"SWAN!!!"

Anything the female cop (...oops I mean police officer, sorry Angel ) says is also funny!

Yes, that's right!

"Nothing like a bit of girl on girl haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" *Says it really quickly*

I really must watch it now!

Literally! *sticks Hot Fuzz in the DVD player*

I might join you and watch it a bit later!

"This Mr Fawlty, this Mrs Fawlty, this smack on head *hits Manuel* [Fawlty Towers].

Anything from Father Ted or anything Richmond in the IT Crowd says.

I personally found this quite funny while I was channel flicking:

"Anyone in here have aids? If so can you turn them off, thanks!"

That's Alan Carr talking about what he and JLC heard when they went in the audience of Countdown. That man is hilarious.

I remember watching something on Paramount Comedy about a American man talking about Catholicism..........

'You know what they say about Catholics, When it starts to feel good....stop.'