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psychokiller

PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:53 pm    Author: psychokiller    Post subject: 26/04/18 - Noel's interior life (No.56)
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Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:42 am
Location: UK
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(Noel finds himself gasping on the ropes after a bout of eloquent heckling by former Smokie guitarist/vocalist Chris Norman at a charity do)

CHRIS: So, Mr Breakfast DJ - care to elaborate on why you were in possession of just one record in the 1970's? Who were you to curate our playlists each morning, to millions of us?

NOEL: I never took my work home with me.

CHRIS: They should have given your gig to Ed Stewart, or even Emperor Rosko. You were a charlatan, you creep. A sham. Phoned it in from a reclined position you did. Where was the craft?

NOEL: Ed Stewart was a wrong 'un too, you know.

CHRIS: I'm not getting in to that.

NOEL: Give his autobiography a read, it'll tell you-

CHRIS: I can still remember one of your faux-affable, quasi-humorous links into a song of ours - ''Smokie are here with a new number just asking, Oh Carol, why?'' - didn't work on any level, mate.

NOEL: b-b-b-but, I always-

CHRIS: You always and you shouldn't have. You just pressed buttons, mate. Pressed buttons and read some hastily prepared 'jokes' that you'd scribbled on the back of a ciggy pack. No love, no craft. Sodding work experience stuff.

NOEL: That's not very positive.

CHRIS: At least it's honest, unlike your 'appraisals' of the latest chart. I bet you're only marginally aware that The Beatles aren't together anymore.

NOEL: Well, hard to work around one of them getting shot.

CHRIS: Anyway, your money's not welcome in this charity. You stick to admonishing ill people for not thinking positively enough.

(With that, Chris grabs a slice of dried carrot cake - baked complete with a strand of Mabel the baker's wispy hair - and sets off, followed shortly by Noel, who drags himself out of the venue with the comportment of a man who has been thoroughly decimated emotionally)

NOEL: By f*cking Smokie of all people. Christ.

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