Jean's game today.

Noel says everyone's excited. He says yesterday's game was a very rare Player spanking, as Mike dealt at his lowest offer.

Jean has Box 8 today.

Jean Simmons, from Leyland in Lancashire, a retired dinner lady. She has an old photo of her and her late husband in their teens, and another of her at work. Noel says Jean is quite rampant, and talks about her 'wandering hands'! A story about how, at her audition, Jean was amazed that someone knew her name, forgetting she had a namebadge on!

Here we go...

Jean had a box in front of her yesterday with a random amount of money inside of it. The same is true today.

Round 1

Box 19 with Irene - £10

Noel talks to Myyles about his fear of clusters! This extends to the holes in crumpets!

Box 5 with Myyles - £1

Box 2 with Trev - £15,000

Noel claims Becky is here for a man, rather than money, which embarrasses Becky! Noel subtly suggests he might be suitable!

Box 14 with Becky - £100,000

Box 13 with Danny - £100

Banker time...

Jean is excited! The Banker says the energy is incredible, and he can feel it in his office! He can also feel something between Noel and Becky! He loves Jean, as she's bonkers, but not to be underestimated.

Banker's offer:

£8,500

Jean quickly says:

NO DEAL

Noel calls a break...

4:01 - Tipping Point has started playing straight away.
4:08 - The first box on DOND is finally opened.

8 minutes of chatting? For goodness sake!

Haven't you heard? It's not Deal or No Deal anymore. It's the Noel Edmonds Gabfest. There happens to be a game element in it to help make the proceedings more interesting.

Somewhere, psychokiller is getting ready to throw a brick at his TV set.

We're back...

Round 2

Box 18 with Ahmed - £75,000

That's not good, is it, says Jean.

Box 22 with Lynda - £20,000

What are you doing, says Noel. Jean doesn't know!

Giuseppe starts offering interminable advice! It appears to be something to do with dancing! Jean eventually picks his box! The Banker calls, and asks if anyone wants to take over from him! He says it's a good thing Giuseppe hasn't bought his harmonica! He has! And he gives us a tune on it!

Box 9 with Giuseppe - £50,000

Banker time...

Jean forgets where she is in the game! Noel is still recovering from the banter with Giuseppe! The Banker asks Noel if he's hallucinating!

Banker's offer:

£3,000

Jean says:

NO DEAL

Round 3

Some banter about Jean's actress namesake. (No mention of the Kiss frontman though!)

Box 17 with Leo - £750

Box 10 with Hannah - £3,000

Jean picks Gaz next, but Noel calls a break first...

Somewhere, hidden in all of this randomness and insanity, is a popular TV game show hosted by an ageless wonder where people get the chance to win some money by opening red numbered boxes. But you wouldn't know it, based on what just happened.

Noel will you PLEASE quit doing that!

That's because the Kiss frontman is Gene Simmonds, same pronunciation but not the same spelling. Apparently a question to which Gene Simmons was the answer got edited out of the episode of The Chase last week in which Larry won £60,000, and remembering that was why Mark got a bit confused on the Gene Kelly question...

We're back...

Final box before the Banker...

Box 11 with Gaz - £1,000

Banker time...

The Banker wants to be serious: if Jean keeps the £250,000, the offers will go up, but not by very much due to the lack of fallback.

Banker's offer:

£6,000

Advice is asked for. David says the offer will go up if Jean keeps the £250,000, and the chances are she'll hit two blues and a red in the next round. Trev says the chances are Jean won't have another shocking round. Louise thinks there's another round. So does Giuseppe! He goes off on one, so Zoe puts her hand over his mouth!

Jean says:

NO DEAL

Round 4

Noel says we must not see the £250,000 in this round.

Box 1 with Waraporn - 1p

Box 21 with Steph - £5

Can you do it, says Noel. Jean nearly falls over!

Box 16 with David - £50

Banker time...