Russ's game today.

Noel says it's a brand new week after a weekend where we saw a player deal because his wife's baby kicked!

Russ has box 2.

Russ is a retired salesman, and he sold products to farmers. He used to be a farmer himself. He says he grew up on a farm, and he used to see the mother hen calling her chicks for the food. He did an impression of the hen and all the chicks ran to him! He has a soft toy chick and a chicken ornament with him and he does some chicken impressions for a demonstration

He takes up his position on the walk of wealth, and does an impression of what a hen is like when it's looking for somewhere to nest!!! He then does more impressions of what hens sound like when they lay an egg, and then more impressions of other chickens and a cockerel!!! Noel remains seated at the pound table looking bored Noel has a list of all the animals Russ does an impression of, and he does some more impressions...

He says he used to go to school every morning on a pony and would often ride around a field standing on a horse

Here we go...

Russ says he's a wheeler dealer rather than a gambler...

David first and Noel asks him for a noise and he says "Meow"

12 - David - £5

Mary now, and she does a "bahh"...

4 - Mary - £1

Newbie Elaine now, and she does a tutting noise!! Supposed to be a rabbit

16 - newbie Elaine - £10

Sid now and he does a MOOOO....

22 - Sid - £20,000

Stephen now with a loud ROAR...

8 - Stephen - £1,000

Banker time

The banker asks for an old car horn which Russ does!!

Banker's offer:

THERAPY

With spending money...

Banker's offer:

£11,000

And it cannot be denied, that's a fine start.

Russ says that's a good offer, and he'd improve the house with it...

Russ says NO DEAL

Marie now with a bleat Noel says Marie's average box contents is £90,000!!

15 - Marie - 1p

Russ gives Marie the 1p kiss, but Noel gets Russ to do it again, and Marie comes onto the walk of wealth dancing like a chicken Noel highlights the strength of the board at the moment.

Bessie now with a little twit-twoo

21 - Bessie - £35,000

Noel says 90% of people during a break have a cup of tea... Russ does an impression of a whistling kettle! Noel gets the giggles and calls a break

I find it hard to express the depth of my relief that I am neither watching nor hearing this. Reading it is painful enough.....

We're back

Russ does some more chicken impressions.

Carol now and she does a monkey!

6 - Carol - £50,000

Banker time

The banker says this is Noel's Ark He gets Russ to do a bicycle pump impression to inflate the offer!

Banker's offer:

£6,500

"OH OH oh my word" says Russ... he goes to choose a next box without answering the question

Russ says NO DEAL

Oh goody. More animal impressions.

Kerry now and she does a snake. Noel makes a joke about adders

7 - Kerry - £750

Hassan now with a duck and some arm movements

5 - Hassan - £250,000

"ARGHHH NO!!!" shouts Russ

Dan now and he oinks...

18 - Dan - £100,000

Banker time

The banker says the others are animals for doing that to Russ! He says it's a 3% chance of doing that.

Banker's offer:

£950

Been an impressive collapse.

Boos and hisses greet that offer, and Gary says it's chicken feed

Michelle now, but Russ hasn't answered the question!

Russ says NO DEAL

Michelle now, with an angry orang-utan!

13 - Michelle - £5,000

Cal now with a bad pigeon impression

10 - Cal - £500

Russ does a sheep impression and Noel calls a break

One-post summary of the pre-ADP stages.

Goodbye animal impressions as of tomorrow! Woohoo? He used to be a farmer, good for Endemol for looking for another Clive but it ain't gonna happen. Not a gambler, but a 'wheeler dealer', and that's the correct response in this game. Let's see how it manifests itself.

Oh they're all at it? Sigh. Good opening round. Brilliant opening offer. And that's just the £11,000 bit. I believe that's the second time therapy has been offered, but the first therapy-plus-cash offer.

What the hell is happening here? Besides the board becoming a lot more dangerous with the two lowest Power 5 amounts going.

Oh crumbs the top two have gone. Fantastic response to the biggie, though, and he's not having any of these non-offers is he?

It's all about the £75,000. It's still there at 9-box, but that is a very late break. Mind you, the moment everyone started making animal noises, a slow game was inevitable.

We're back

Noel says lets focus on getting Russ some big money now...

11 - Lillian - £50

Banker time