Welcome to Deal or No Deal, where if you’re tired of watching likeable, relatable people win life-changing sums of money, wait a few weeks and the show will become a complete dumpster fire. This is unfortunately the state of the game today.

Shout out to last week’s contestant Tony Oriente, who called me out on Twitter for “not being very nice.” I am the Merchant of Truth, Tony, and you are an imbecile who let $136,000 slip through your fingers. That’s not my fault, bahd. The truth is often a bitter pill to swallow.

*mic drop*

Anyway, I see we have some gadgets and things on this forum that have been sorely underused since the UK version ended. I’m going to dust one of them off and use it right now.

PLAYER'S PREDICTION

The contestant will win more than $1,000

Yes, I’ve repurposed the old Offer Button prediction box to submit a prediction of my own. As you can see, I’ve set the bar extremely low because of how the games have been going lately. Here’s hoping tonight’s contestant can prove me right.

Our player for the evening is La’Sherrie Butler-Hogan. She arrives on stage with a cake in the shape of a silver briefcase; number 7, to be exact. She’s from Dallas, Texas and runs a bakery with her husband of 22 years. She has two children, one of whom is a son who is in the Marines. La’Sherrie plans to use her winnings to expand her business and her women’s support group.

“Are you ready to have your cake and eat it too?” Howie asks. That’s comedic timing, folks, and it’s time for this game to start with the real case 7 on the Dollar Desk. It’s juice and jam time.

Round 1
[4] - $100,000
[10] - $750
[14] - $1
[12] - $1,000,000 - I guess the cake got burned in the oven.
[20] - $50,000
[5] - $5,000

The millski makes an early exit, but it’s unlikely our contestant will. The Banker says this is not a full cake, but a cupcake of an offer.

BANKER'S OFFER

$9,000

La’Sherrie doesn’t even wait for Howie for ask the question. She says NO DEAL.

Round 2
[6] - $300,000
[17] - $75,000
[24] - $25

Howie calls a break. We’ll bake up some more fun right after this.

Welcome back. Little tidbit for you: the show revived the Lucky Case Game for this episode. Just like the original, a cash prize of $5,000 is hidden in one of five numbered cases. The location of the money will be revealed after the show.

And now, back to the game.

[22] - $750,000 - Oops.
[11] - $400

Banker time. La’Sherrie wants to hear some good news from upstairs. The Banker says she knows Lasheree is no stranger to struggle, and winning this game can be a struggle. Surprisingly, the offer went up.

BANKER'S OFFER

$16,000

Supporter time. Husband Adrian and La’Sherrie’s best friend who doesn’t announce her name are on the couch. Both want her to continue playing, and she does. NO DEAL.

Howie asks if La’Sherrie, who is an accomplished singer, wants some backup. She says yes, and out come three backup singer in matching pink dresses. “This is great. It’s Deal or No Deal: The Musical,” says Howie.

Round 3
[1] - $1,000
[3] - $.01 - Where was this luck two rounds ago?

Two more cases left to open in this round, and we’ll open them after the break.

Welcome back to Deal or No Deal: The Musical. La’Sherrie and her backup singers how have a name: La’Sherrie and the Divas of All Time. Okay, then. We’re halfway through Round 3, and that’s the point from which the game resumes.

[2] - $200
[18] - $500

All right! Great round! A rare moment of positivity on this program. La’Sherrie sings for her offer, and the phone rings. The next offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$38,000

La’Sherrie runs through her charitable efforts, which include feeding children and helping women in need. She says she needs more money than that to support those causes and operate her bakery, so it’s NO DEAL.

Round 4
[8] - $300
[15] - $25,000

La’Sherrie picks case 25 next, and Howie calls another break.

The Dealfest plays on with the final case of Round 4.

[25] - $5

The board right now:

$10
$50
$75
$100
$10,000
$200,000
$400,000
$500,000

Howie says the board has flipped in La’Sherrie’s favour. The new offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$71,000

Howie asks La’Sherrie if she needs some more support, and she says she needs a little more muscle. The Prize Wall raises to reveal Lcpl. Adrian Hogan, Jr., her son in the Marines. After a brief reunion with her son, La’Sherrie says NO DEAL.

Round 5
[16] - $50
[9] - $100

We have an all-blue round and a big offer on the way after the break.

We’re back, and it’s Banker time again. Howie reminds La’Sherrie that the offers are guaranteed life-changers. The fifth offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$103,000

One case at a time if this offer is rejected, but it’s a player’s board at this point. After much consideration, La’Sherrie says NO DEAL.

Round 6
[21] - $75

Holy boats! One blue left! The board once again:

$10
$10,000
$200,000
$400,000
$500,000

The Banker says she wants La’Sherrie out of the game right now. There is a 60 per cent chance that case 7 holds $200,000 or more. Is now the time to hit the flashing red button and take

BANKER'S OFFER

$165,000

Howie reminds La’Sherrie of the counter offer. He asks her the question, and we’ll get the answer after the break.

As for the Lucky Case Game, the $5,000 prize was in case number 2.

We’re back for the final act of this exciting game. Everyone thinks La’Sherrie should consider taking the offer of $165,000. La’Sherrie also still has the counter offer in her back pocket. Howie re-asks the question, and La’Sherrie says DEAL.

$165,000 is secure, but was there more money available in this game? Let’s find out.

Proveout
Round 7
[19] - $200,000

BANKER'S OFFER WOULD'VE BEEN

$221,000

Round 8
[26] - $10,000

BANKER'S OFFER WOULD'VE BEEN

$348,000

Round 9
[13] - $400,000

BANKER'S OFFER WOULD'VE BEEN

$302,000

Of course the final “offer” of the game had to be an inflated AMO. Also somewhat inflated: the $500,000 in case 7. The $10 was in case 23.

Well, our baker took the cake out of the oven a bit too early, but she does have $165,000 in real money. So that’s a thing. And not only that, but my prediction came true. Big up to La’Sherrie for not being greedy.

Deal USA will be taking a break over the next few months, but will be back sometime in the summer. And when the show returns, so will I. Until then, good night and good deals.

It wasn't the best idea to deal with 3 higher and 2 lower. I remember a contestant in 2007 called Heidi recieving an offer of $204k with two left side amounts and the same 3 big ones. Good to see a contestant with decent brains in the US version.

Very surprised she didn't use her counter offer on a board that strong. Definitely a cautious Deal, but it sure as heck beats over-greediness and leaving with peanuts.