This is Deal or No Deal, where greed makes you bleed if you’re not up to speed.

When the right offer comes at the right time, some contestants shout “Bingo!” Tony Oriente onced did that for a living. He’s a teacher and former bingo caller originally from Philadelphia. He now lives in the suburbs of that city with his husband and their three pets. Tony just turned 50, and he recently returned to school to get his elementary school education.

Tony will be picking his cases using balls drawn from a bingo sphere. He picks case 24 in honour of a former patron of his bingo hall. And now, let’s go to work.

Round 1
[5] - $75,000
[17] - $10
[9] - $200,000
[3] - $1,000
[1] - $200
[15] - $750

That was a pretty solid first round. The Banker says she’s having trouble reading Tony and sarcastically asks if he’s having a good time. Tony clearly is. Here’s the first offer.

BANKER'S OFFER

$30,000

Tony says he wants to buy a “Golden Girls dream home” in Florida and that’s not enough for it. He says NO DEAL as we head into the first break.

Welcome back to Bingo America - er, I mean Deal USA. Tony talks about how he lost his home during the economic crash of 2008. He recently moved into a new one and says that represents a new beginning for him and his husband.

And now, let’s go back to the bingo sphere.

Round 2
[4] - $50
[7] - $100,000
[13] - $25
[18] - $5,000
[16] - $500

The top five amounts remain in play. The bingo sphere has been pretty lucky for Tony. The Banker says that if TOny keeps this up, he might become a Platinum girl. The second offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$52,000

Supporter time. We meet Tony’s husband Dewey, who is dressed identically to Tony, and his friends Rosemary and Nicole. Dewey thinks Tony should play on. Tony says that’s more than he makes in a year, but despite that, he says NO DEAL.

Round 3
Ball 19 comes out of the bingo sphere, and Howie calls another break.

We’re back To complete Round 3.

[19] - $400,000
[6] - $25,000
[25] - $300
[8] - $400

Lots of big money still up for grabs, including the millski. The Banker says she does her homework, and admits this is one of the best boards she’s ever seen. The new offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$88,000

That’s over 69 per cent more than the previous offer. Dewey still wants his husband to continue playing. Tony says he can’t eliminate all of the large amounts in the next round. He says NO DEAL.

Round 4
[10] - $1,000,000 - Bye-bye dream house.
[22] - $300,000
[12] - $5

Not a good round, but the $500,000 and the $750,000 are still up there. The next offer comes after the break.

We’re back. Here’s a look at the board before the fourth offer.

$.01
$1
$75
$100
$200
$10,000
$50,000
$500,000
$750,000

We’re running out of right-side amounts, but there are plenty of left-side amounts to knock off. Howie asks Tony is he think the offer increased or decreased, and Tony believes it went down. Sure enough, he’s right.

BANKER'S OFFER

$69,000

Dewey says Tony likes to take risks and that there’s magic in case 24. Rosemary echoes that sentiment. Tony says he has a 50/50 chance of hitting one of the big amounts in the next round, so he says NO DEAL.

Round 5
Tony wants to pick a case, but the models have all disappeared. He summons them back with a loud “Ladies, please!” The models reappear dressed exactly like Tony and Dewey, complete with white shirts, pink-and-white argyle vests and khaki pants. Howie says everyone wants Tony to win. Back to the bingo balls we go.

[23] - $10,000
[20] - $75 - A great result from Tony’s birthday case.

Howie says Tony is about to get a huge offer, and that offer comes after the break.

We’re back with another board look.

$.01
$1
$100
$200
$50,000
$500,000
$750,000

If Tony declines this offer, he opens one case at a time. He now has a one-in-three chance of walking away with half a million dollars or more. The offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$136,000

“I have two words - Safety net,” says Dewey. Tony says NO DEAL.

Round 6
[2] - $750,000
Um, wow, that sure killed the vibe. More wheeling and dealing after the break.

We’re back. Tony asks if he and Dewey can head over to the models’ stairs to pose with them and their matching outfits. They do, and then Tony quickly returns to the Dollar Desk to get his sixth offer.

BANKER'S OFFER

$71,000

The Banker asks if Tony has the guts to go on. Dewey answers for him and says he does. “Sorry, honey, you are certainly no match for my husband,” Dewey says. “Now it’s time for the counter offer.”

Tony does some quick math and says the average of all the remaining amounts on the board is $100,000, which also happens to be his counter offer.

BANKER'S OFFER

$100,000

The Banker calls back quickly - again, never a good thing - and says NO DEAL.

Round 7
[21] - $500,000 - Game over, and now the dream house is really off the table.

I’m beginning to think Tony should have dealt at $136,000. New offer is

BANKER'S OFFER

$10,000

Tony says NO DEAL.

Round 8
[11] - $50,000 - Game over. Good grief.

BANKER'S OFFER

$40

NO DEAL

Round 9
[26] - $1

BANKER'S OFFER

$70

DEAL

Tony is a classic Deal USA dumbass for two reasons - he let greed consume him and he let his husband be a backseat dealer. That’s never a good thing.

As for his case, it held the penny. I’d have laughed pretty hard if he had won that.

Boy, that game could have ended so much better, but as I said in the first post, greed makes you bleed if you’re not up to speed. No sympathy from me, and I imagine these two dolts will be divorced soon.

Next week, it’s Deal or No Deal: The Musical. Seriously. Until then, good night, good deals, and don’t let your spouse do the thinking for you because it could cost you dearly. Now it’s off to The Joker’s Wild to get high with Snoop Dogg and forget about this mess.

Once again the counter offer entices a player into a crash.

Actually, in this case, it was combination of that plus his husband, who was acting as a backseat dealer of sorts.

Hey. Case 10!