It's the first episode of the decade of the best game show in the world! (Well, in my opinion.) So good, I watch it despite not really understanding it. It's that good.

After the obligatory introductions and superfluous pre-game model walk, the first three questions see each half of the 500-strong audience - divided into ten groups of 50, each of which is itself divided into two - head-to-head. The red half (blocks 1-5) win 422-413, and each of them get a Samsung 10MP mini digital camera with HD video recording. I want one of those! Except I don't want it by a company who sponsors CSKA Kensington.

Last winter's run added a twist here - a randomly-chosen contestant from the losing half offered a choice between a place in the final six or a prize. This spring's run offers a different choice for a similarly-chosen contestant. 9A/7 (Jobi Johnson, an old lady with a name resembling an NFL running back) is given a choice between a red, white or blue case, each of which has something in it, although I can't tell from Linda's description what they are.


Note that the male models for this are fully-clothed and not sex objects. Also note I've stopped showing the female models. This Is Deliberate.

She picks the red case... and wins an LED TV! As does EVERYONE IN HER BLOCK!!


Presumably this would replace the €2,500 case if it were added Aussie-style to the main board, although I paid a tenth of that for my 24" LED monitor.

Looks like it's an entirely separate twist, which addresses my issue with the last variant on this theme - it removed too many players from the winning block from the final six. Now, five out of the six will be from the top 25, which is how it should be, in my opinion.

Three more questions, including the obligatory video question. It's plugging a Dutch movie called "First Mission" which seeing as it's plugged on this show is probably something to do with humanitarian interventions. Anyway, block 5 win by three from block 1, and someone from one of blocks 1-4 will be given 'a dilemma with the cases'. Red has been refilled. 4B/1 (Kees) chooses the white case... and he, too, gets an LED TV for himself and all of his block!!

So that's either 50 or 100 LED TVs given away tonight. Either way this show's already paid out as much as, if not more than, the 'mega money' UK episode the same day. We now get a bizarre promotion for a competition where apparently there are hidden cases around the country containing €5,000 and all you have to do to win is find one. There is a commercial break at this point, before each half of block 5 is pitted against each other in three more questions. The video question features what looks to be a parody of those irritating people doing surveys in the street, and I noticed a Lidl next to a McDonald's on a very nice pedestrianised high street... and the question is about the Belgian DoND! Yes. There's then a question about lingerie and Brits, and I'm awfully glad I don't understand the rest. Anyway, 5A beat 5B at the end of all that, and 5B/13 (Henk, middle-aged bloke) gets the pick of the cases. He chooses blue... what will it be? "More TVs." Laughter. Nope - it's 'kans op €5,000,000' so he enters the final six! The other two contained the TV (obviously) and, I think, a cheque for €2,000.

There's no Random Remote of Doom pick at this point, breaking a tradition dating back as long as I've seen this - the top five from 5A take the five remaining semi-final places, and I would presume that this number is revised to between three and six depending on how many earlier end up with the final six spot. We do get the remote out, but it's just to pick a random €10k winner, the brilliantly-named Jeltsje Hoekstra. She's as shocked as anyone I've ever seen on this show, I think!


These contestants are becoming less reserved in general, actually.

The six players are ready, including one with my favourite Dutch name - Joke. Yes, a female name pronounced "Yo-ka", actually remarkably common. It's the now-established poll-the-audience elimination round, and it's full of jokes that I can't understand. Henk goes out first and gets €1,000 (bet you wish you'd got the TV now), and that leaves an ALL-FEMALE FINAL FIVE!! I've never seen anything like it. Rita goes out second (€2k), Rijma falls third (€3k) and missing out on the final two is Dinja (€4k).

Your final two, therefore, are Joke and Annette. Joke has two kids and just became a grandmother, Annette is younger and has the androgynous-lesbian look going on (in fact, she looks just like one such that I know online). Time to play Push The Button. Only this money clock goes upwards to an unknown limit. Going up moderately... slowly now... I don't think this is going to be worth stopping... maybe it will be... JOKE STOPS AT €43,000! I think that's pretty close to the edge, actually... it was set to stop at €46,000!! That's the best stop timing I've ever seen, but it hands Annette and her spiky hair a shot at the world's biggest game show jackpot. What does she want? "Two and a half." "Ton?" "Million." €250,000 is in the same targetist realms in this game as £20,000 in the UK show, and would be about what I'd play for...


I only just spotted the ear piercing.

What will be her, ahem, net gain? (On that puntastic note, let me remind new readers that as far as I am aware, Dutch game show winnings are subject to taxation at 25%, although I cannot find any evidence for that at this point.) The models come out with the cases and case 19 is Annette's choice. Linda reminds her jokingly again about her €2.5m prediction, and the independent adjudicator gets a quick say. We've got another €10,000 to hand out willy-nilly, and Alexandra Roosen continues the huge streak of females winning tonight. And off we go in earnest, with Linda joining Annette at the table. Annette appears to be involved in some sort of close combat fighting, if I understood that conversation (I don't think I did)... and there's a young female with her in the audience as her supporter. I called it!


KP Gaydar: success!

This endgame has been going since 2002, and made its one and only change in 2006. Another one due this year? Anyway, here goes:



After a random trill, Annette starts with...
ROUND 1
16 (guess €1,000,000. "Oh.") - €2,500. Much better.
5 (guess €50,000) - €20!
22 (guess €50,000) - €750,000! "Oo-ee".
12 (guess €25,000) - €50,000! Timing fail. Annette is excited about the first offer for some reason.
2 (guess €100) - €300,000. "Unlucky."
25 (guess €25,000) - €1,000.

Perfectly acceptable start. No more and no less than that. About the opening round I'd be expecting.

OFFER €35,000

About the opening offer I'd be expecting these days - they're slightly more generous than they used to be, but not much. NO DEAL it is, and I typed it before she said it. She entrusts Linda to close the MASSIVELY OVERSIZED US-style plastic button holder.

ROUND 2
23 (guess €100,000) - €100. More like it.
8 (guess €5) - €0.20! First real tiddler.
3 (guess €0.01) - €100,000. Oh well. Linda reminds us all the seven-figure amounts are in play.
21 (guess, ironically enough after that, €1,000,000) - €200,000. Annette seemed not to mind that.
15 (guess €1,000,000) - €5,000,000!! Annette seemed almost amused, which is one way to hide being upset.

OFFER €53,000

For those of you who haven't followed this show before, that sort of increase after a bad second round really isn't unusual. Still not in dealable territory yet, though it's enough to spark a short chat with the girlfriend, and a commercial break is amusingly offered for her to think about it before the inevitable NO DEAL. This time she closes the case herself.

Linda calls for blues. Well, anything from "the left column", which is the same thing.

ROUND 3
4 (guess €75,000) - €75,000! CORRECT GUESS FOR €15,000!! And a thumbs-up. He jokes that the €75,000 is what he won...
10 (guess €500) - €1,000,000! This. Is. Not. Good. Properly volatile at the halfway stage.
14 (guess €500) - €500! CORRECT GUESS FOR €13,000 for Joke, who already took the €43,000 earlier! She's leaving with €56,000 and that's no joke!! Contestants who bailed out like that used to leave their case-opening spot to a Random Remote pick - this is the first time someone in this situation has made a correct guess.
1 (guess €400,000 - "Oh yay" sighs Linda) - €10,000. Oh yay?

7/4 split the wrong way at the First Proper Offer and a median of €50 (yes) but three of those four are above the UK jackpot:



OFFER €99,000

Yup, that's a proper offer alright, she's nervously laughing. I'd play on though. Linda gets the crowd to shut up, then shouts into her ear with an amusing tone that it's a lot of money. NO DEAL!

Now we have an important round. Needs to keep €2,500,000 and one backup to the next offer. Linda emphasises the former.

ROUND 4
18 (guess €5,000) - €500,000! Linda swears. Then she hilariously channels Noel by saying "think positive"...
17 (guess €5) - €25,000... greeted by absolute silence. We go to an adbreak...
9 (guess €0.50) - €5! Just as I was preparing for a median of €7.50...

Round survived. She did keep the €2.5m and one backup. Unfortunately that's all she's got on the right. Linda points to the 12.5% chance the €2,500,000 is in her case...

OFFER €143,000

And I shout "DEAL!" at my screen. Annette's girlfriend points out there's two to open. Annette is fast-talking through the possibilities, Linda talks through them more slowly. "Accept €143,000, yes or no?" I would... she doesn't! NO DEAL!

Linda does the Face Turn of Shock. I dropped my jaw for the first time I can remember watching a game show. But it's well under half the mean, there's room to do this with the offers set to soar through the one-to-open rounds after this one...

ROUND 5
24 (guess €0.01) - €10! That'll do!
We get to see the board behind the player and Linda for the first time in ages!

Rather differently displayed, one notices.
6 (guess €400,000) - €400,000! CORRECT GUESS FOR €7,000 and surely, surely it's time to go.

The Scariest Final Six Ever
€0.01
€0.50
€1
€50
€5,000
€2,500,000

OFFER €275,000

"DEAL!" I cry, again, with more venom than ever. This would be up with the worst No Deals I've ever seen on this show, even with an 83% chance of it working out. Linda points out how much more it is than the last one, then later points out that 5/6 chance. "Stop, for *beep*'s sake", I mumble... DEAL! Thank goodness for that.

Right, proveout. One to open and we won't get the proveout offers.

26 (guess €0.01) - €0.50. Oh.
20 (guess €2,500,000 - "really?" "really.") - €1. Really. Linda muses at the prospects of a €500,000 offer here.
7 (guess €2,500,000) - €5,000. Annette's laughing through this proveout, and Linda warms to that, pointing out taking out €50 would leave a €0.01/€2.5m finish. And a seven-figure offer, apparently...
11 (guess €50...) - €50! CORRECT GUESS FOR €3,000... which she didn't even realise until Linda shouted it to her...

A Final Two Of Volatility 250,000,000 - Believed Highest In Deal or No Deal History
€0.01
€2,500,000

I love this game. Now, which of you would take on a Banker's Gamble on that finish? I have no idea if I would or not... no such twist here, of course.

13 (guess €2,500,000) - she's about to open it, Linda was about to open 19... €0.01!! Case 19 had €2,500,000 and Linda reminds her of her pre-game prediction - but it was done in jest, whereas Noel would have turned it into something serious and a reason to coerce future contestants. She was completely and utterly out of backups. Still an above-average win for this show; lots of luck in choosing her case and very little luck in choosing the others basically cancelled each other out.